Day 084

TEACHER

Teacher: Batao sabse zyada nasha

kaunsi cheez mein hota hai?

Student: Books mein.

Teacher: Woh kaise?

Student: Kholte hi neend aa jaati hai.

PATNI

Kaani patni: Sunoji, meri aankhein

katrina kaif se milti hai na?

Pati: Kambhaht, teri aankhein aapas

mein nahin milti, Katrina se kya khaak

milengi.

DOCTOR

Check up ke baad doctor: Tumhe khaanste

waqt sabse zyada takleef kab hoti hai?

Mariz: Jab paros ka kutta meri khaansi ka

jawab dene lagta hai.

LADY

Doctor to lady: Why are you looking so

exhausted? Are you properly, taking

3 meals a day, as advised?

Lady: OH MY GOD! I heard 3 males a day.

JOKE SUPPLIED BY COURTESY OF: SURESH

DEAF GIRL

A man marries a deaf girl.

He writes…. We must workout a code.

If I want sex, I will press your left boob.

You reply by shaking my penis once for yes

aur 50 times for no.

JOKE SUPPLIED BY COURTESY OF: SURESH

Day 083

MOBILE

Larki: Aapka mobile bahut acha hai,

kitne ka liya?

Larka: Race mein jeeta hai.

Larki: Bahut acha, race mein kitne

log the.

Larka: 3 policewale, ek mobile shopwala

aur mein.

LARKA LARKI

Larki: Jaanu, agar tumhaara sms nahin

aaya toh mein roti nahin khaaoongi.

Larka: Sach.

Larki: Haan, sirf paneer paraantha,

icecream khaake guzara karoongi.

ADVOCATE

Vakil: Tumne police officer ki hatheli

pe jalti hui cigarette kyun rakhi?

Mujrim: Ye humco bola kaam karvaana

ho toh pehle “muthi” garam karo.

CALORIES

Calories burnt by doing sex with g’friend.

Lying down                                      90 calories

Standing up                           492 calories

Dog style                                326 calories

2^nd round                                834 calories

Dressing up after sex while, 50,000 calories

wife knocks at the door.
JOKE SUPPLIED BY COURTESY OF: SURESH

LOVER

Boy: I love your daughter since 5 months.

Father: How can you prove it?

Boy: Wait for 4 months…. You will believe it.
JOKE SUPPLIED BY COURTESY OF: SURESH

Day 082

BEGGAR

Fakir ek khoobsurat aurat se: Ek

rupaiya de do.

Aurat: Sharam nahin aati, itne smart,

handsome naujawan ho ke beekh

maangte ho?

Fakir: Acha, fir ek pappi de do.

SANTA BANTA

Santa daaru peeke taala kholne laga.

Haath kaampne ki vajah se taala

nahin khula.

Banta: Mein khol doon.

Santa: Mein khol loonga,tu ghar ko pakar,

saala bahut hil raha hai.

LARKA LARKI

Larka: Tumne aankhen nahin bandh ki,

jab meine tera chumban liya.

Larki: Kamine! Last time aankhen bandh

ki theen, tab tune mere purse se 500 rupaiye

chura liye the.

HUSBAND & WIFE

Wife and husband returned from honeymoon

after a week.

Husband: How did you enjoy the whole week?

Wife: The whole week has made my hole weak.
JOKE SUPPLIED BY COURTESY OF: SURESH

BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND

A drunk guy says to his girlfriend while kissing:

Darling, your lips are very salty today.

Girlfriend: Hmmm! Honey, you are between my legs.
JOKE SUPPLIED BY COURTESY OF: SURESH

Day 081

PEHALWAAN

Panju:  Tum ek baar mein kitne

             aadmi uthaa sakte ho?

Pehalwaan:  Kam se kam 15.

Panju:  Datt teri ki, tumse acha

             toh mera murga hai, jo

             subah poore mohalle ko

             utha deta hai.

PATNI

Suresh:  Meri patni 9 ghante se

               khaamosh hai.

Doctor:  Toh mere pass kyun aaye

              ho, world record waalon ke

              pass jaao.

TEEN DOST

Rajan:  Saale! Ek laat maaroonga, mumbai jaake girega.

John:  Mein maroonga toh America mein girega.

Santa:  Bhai, mujhe dheere se ek laat maaro, pass ke

            gaaon jana hai.

TEACHER

Father went to school for getting report of his son.

Father:  Madam, kab dengi aap?

Teacher:  Periods khatam hone ke baad.

ENGLISH GIRL

Judge:  You raped this English girl?

Santa:  Oye judge sahib, tussi iska naam poochoge

toh tussi bhi iska rape kar doge.

Judge:  What is your name lady?

Lady:  Merry Marlow.

Day 080

BIRTHDAY

Girlfriend:  Kal mera birthday hai.

Boyfriend:   Advance mein “happy birthday”

Girlfriend:  Kya gift doge?

Boyfriend:  Kya chaahiye?

Girlfriend:  Ring

Boyfriend:  Ring doonga par phone

                   mat uthana, balance nahin hai.

LARKA LARKI

Ek larka larki se bola:  Teri zulfon ki thandi

chaaon mein rehna chaahata hoon.

Larki:  Abbe pagal, pichle janam mein joon

tha kya?

PREMI PREMIKA

Premi:  Maaf karna, meine tumhe bataya nahin

            ke meri mangni ho chuki hai.

Premika:  Koi baat nahin, mein tumhe apne

                bachon se milwaati hoon.         

SARDAR

In a party a lady wanted to go to toilet, so

she inquired with a sardar:  Papaji, susu

karne ki jagah dikhaao.

Sardarji replied You naughty, pehle tum dikhaao. 

COUPLE

A couple was in their bedroom & the girl says

to her husband:  I wish, I had bigger tits.

The husband says:  Well, what I recommend

is to get some toilet tissues and rub it between

your tits for 2 months.

The girl asks:  How will that help to make my

tits bigger?

Her husband repled:  Well, it worked for your ass.

                                                           

Day 079

LARKA LARKI

Larki:  Mat kar peecha mera,

           Ek din pachtaayega,

           Baahar college ke,

           Tu samose ka thela lagaayega.

Larka:  Tu mat thukra mere pyar ko,

            Ek din pachtaayegi,

            Ussi thele par bartan maanjti,

            Tu bhi nazar aayegi.

KISS

Science teacher:  Agar kisi larki ko

mirgi ka attack ho toh usko lambe time

tak kiss karo, woh theek ho jaayegi.

Student:  Par sir, usko yeh attack dilaayein kaise?

DUNIYA

Larki:  Duniya ko bata do ke tum mujhse pyar

karte ho.

Larke ne larki ke kaan mein kaha: I love you.

Larki:  Tumne kaan mein kyun kaha?

Larka:  Kyunki, tum hi meri duniya ho.

DOGGY STYLE

A married man had doggy style with his

girlfriend and then he goes home.

Wife:  What happened, you look tired?

Husband:  Kya bataaoon, kutton wali

harkat karke aa raha hoon.

TEACHER

Teacher class mein Banta se:  Zimmedaari

kya hoti hai?

Banta:  Madam agar aapke blouse ke 4

buttons mein se 3 toot jaayein, toh chauthe

pe jo aati hai, usse zimedari kehte hain.

AFTER SEX

Larki usually sex karne ke baad kya kehti hai?

I love you – Wrong.

That was great – Wrong again.

I love it – Arrey nahin yaar.

Sahi jawab:  Meri bra aur  panty kahaan rakhi hai.

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 078

SATURDAY       24 MARCH 12    JOKES

PATI PATNI

Patni:  Itni dheemi aawaz mein

kis-se baat  kar rahe ho?

Pati:  Behen se.
Patni:  Behen se itni dheemi aawaz

mein bolne ki kya zaroorat hai?

Pati:  Meri nahin, tumhaari behen hai.

EXAM KA RESULT

Larki:  Mein fail hona chaahati hoon.

Dost:  Kyun?

Larki:  Mummy ne kaha hai ke 1^st

aayi toh science, 2^nd aayi toh arts

aur fail ho gayi toh shaadi kara doongi.

TENSION

Teacher panju se: Tension kitne prakaar

Ke hote hain?

Panju:  Teen.

Teacher:  Bahut ache, udaaharan bataao.

Panju:  Pehla-Kal aapki beti ko dekha

            Doosra-Aaj pyar karta hoon.

            Teesra-Kal bhaga ke le jaaoonga.

WASHING MACHINE

Pati patni ne sex karne ka ek code banaya

ke machine mein kapre dhone hain.

Raat mein pati ne sex ke liye kaha, toh

patni nakhre dikhaane lagi, pati so gaya.

Aadhi raat  mein patni ka mood bana toh

boli ke chalo, machine mein kapre dhote hain.

Pati bola:  Jab mein kah raha tha, toh nakhre

dikha rahi thi, meine kapre haath se hi dho

liye hain.

TEACHER

Teacher bachon se:  Bachon batao, love

kyun acha hai war se?

Saare bache ek saath bole:  Kyunki

condom sasta hai talwar se.

Day 077

FRIDAY - 23 MARCH 12            JOKES

GIRLFRIEND

Santa:  Darling, tumhaari zulfon se

khelne ko jee chah raha hai.

Sheela ne wig utaari aur kaha:  Lo

khelo, par  vaapas de dena, subah

college pehenkar  jaana hai.

COW

Customer:  Teri gai ki ek aankh kharaab

hai, fir bhi tu 25000 maang raha hai?

Santa:  Tujhe gai doodh peene ke liye

leni hai ya nain matkaane ke liye?

PATI PATNI

Pati:  Aaj khaana tumhaari maan ne

banaaya hai?

Patni:  Haan, par tujhe kaise pata chala?

Pati:  Roz khaane mein kale baal milte

hain, aaj safed baal mila hai.

LARKI

Larki apni marzi se de toh pyar

Dost dilaayein toh uphaar

Gharwale dilayein toh sanskar

Aur hum apne aap le lein toh balaatkaar

BLACKBOARD

Class mein blackboard pe penis likha tha.

Teacher ne usko ragar ke mita diya.

Agle din phir blackboard par penis likha

tha, lekin bare size mein likha tha. Teacher

ne usse bhi ragar ke mita diya. Uske agle

din blackboard par likha tha, jitna zyada

ragrogi, utna bara hota jaayega.

Day 076

BANDAR

Panju:  Mummy, kya mein bandaron

ke khaandaan ka hoon?

Mummy:  Pata nahin beta, mein

tumhaare papa ke poorvajon se

kabhi nahin mili.

CHORI

Circuit:  Bhai, naukar ne chaandi

ka chamach chori kar liya.

Munna:  Kaun sa wala?

Circuit:  Whoich bhai, jo aapun

hotel se chori kar ke laaye the.

CHEMIST

Chemist:  Iss davaai se theek na ho

toh firse yeh parchi lekar aana.

Customer:  Kyun?

Chemist:  Mein ek baar fir Doctor ki

likhaai parne ki koshish karoonga.

SHAADI

Gaanv ki ek ladki ki shaadi shahri

babu se hui.

Larki ko sex ke bare mein kuch nahin

pata tha.

Suhaag raat ko pati ne uske saath

sex kiya.

Sex ke baad larki se poocha:  Kaisa laga?

Larki:  Yeh jo aapne andar daala tha, yeh

kya tha?

Larka:  Yeh mera munna tha.

Larki:  Aap apne munne ko baahar  hi

khilaaya karo, andar garmi ki wajah se

bechaare ne ulti kar di hai.

CONDOM

Larki dukaandaar se:  Ek condom dena?

Dukaandaar masti mein:  Kisliye?

Larki(gusse mein):  Tere baap ko gift

karoongi, taaki tere jaisa doosra

chutiya paida na kare.

Day 075

PATI PATNI

Patni:  Saamne wale ghar mein

miyaan aur biwi ke beech kuch

fight chal rahi hai, aap ek baar

jaao na?

Pati:  Mein ek do baar gaya tha,

shaayad yeh usika natija hai.

TEACHER

Teacher:  2 mein se 2 gaye,

toh kitne bache?

Ganju:  Samaj mein nahin aaya.

Teacher:  Beta, tumhaare pass

do roti hain, tumne do roti kha leen

toh tumhaare pass kya bacha?

Ganju:  Sabzi.

LARKA LARKI

Larka larki se:  Tumhaara naam

kya hai?

Larki:  Mina.

Larki larke se:  Tumhaara?

Larka:  Kamina.

Larki:  Jhooth mat bolo.

Larka:  Tu 2 minute pass mein baith

ke dekh, tu bhi yehi bolegi.

SAADHU

Saadhu:  Beta, hamesha apni se bari

aurat ko maan, choti ko beti aur barabar

wali ko behen samajna.

Santa:  Baba, fir yeh mera auzaar tum rakh lo.

Saadhu:  Kyun beta?

Santa:  Jari booti kootne ke kaam aayega.

HEROINE

Heroine ne sabzi mandi mein 2 foot lambi

mooli dekh ke poocha:  Yeh kya hai?

Sabziwala:  Madam, yeh hamaare liye

toh mooli hai, par aapke liye maamooli hai.

Day 074

PRESSURE COOKER

Santa ne pressure cooker kharida,

dusre din vaapas karne gaya.

Dukaandaar-Kyun vaapas karna hai?

Santa-Ghar mein jawan betiyaan hai

aur yeh sala seetiyaan bajata hai.

KHOOBSURAT LARKI

Girl-Mujhe kyun dekh rahe ho?

Tumhaari koi behen nahin hai kya?

Boy-Hai, isiliye dekh raha hoon,

meri behen ko bhabhi chaahiye.

MAKHI

Santa ne ek makhi pakri or uske

pankh torkar bola-Ur ja.

Makhi nahin urri.

Santa-Is se prove hua ke makhi ke

pankh tor do toh woh behri ho

jaati hai.

SUHAAGRAAT

Aadmi santa se-Kaho santaji,

suhaagraat kaisi rahi?

Santa-Kuch mat pooch yaar,

5-6 baar toh missed call lagi

aur jab sahi number laga toh

balance nil ho gaya.

KHOOBSURAT HASINA

Maangta hoon to deti nahin,

Jawab meri baat ka.

Deti ho toh khara ho jata hai,

Rom-rom jazbaat ka.

Kyun bolti ho k dheere se daalo,

Baalon mein phool gulab ka.

Day 073

ACHI LARKI

Larka bhagwaan se-Mujhe achi

larki dila do.

Bhagwaan-Tu muslim hai toh Katrina,

hindu hai to bipasha, christian hai

toh genelia! Bol……tera naam?

Larka-Abdul Rambhau D’souza.

THANDA YA GARAM

Santa mehmaan se-Thanda loge

ya garam?

Mehmaan-Dono le aao.

Santa-Preeto, ek glass Freezer se

aur ek glass Geezer se paani le aao.

KASHMIRI PULAAV

Ganju-In aaloo paranthon mein aaloo

nazar nahin aa raha hai?

Panju-Yaar naam par mat ja, kashmiri pulaav

mein kabhi Kashmir nazar aata hai kya?

BULB

Teacher-Kya cheez muhn mein nahin

leni chaahiye?

Student-Jalta hua bulb.

Teacher-Kyun?

Student-Kal raat ko mummy papa se

bol rahi thi ke bulb bhuja do toh muhn

mein loongi.

MADHUMAKHI

Patni-Doctor sahib, mere pati ke auzaar

ko madhumakhi ne kaata hai.

Doctor- Oh ho! Sooj gaya hai, dard bhi

hai kya?

Patni-Jee haan, Lekin sirf dard ki dawa

dena, soojan ko rahne do.

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 072

MURGI

Banta London ke ek hotel mein

murgi khaane gaya, lekin murgi

ka english word bhool gaya.

Waiter-What do you like to have sir?

Banta-One plate egg’s mother.

PANJU

Panju film dekhne gaya, lekin woh

film ka poster dekhkar vaapas aa

Gaya.

Kyun?

Kyunki uss film ka naam tha “Houseful.”

SANTA

Santa ne saari raat mujra dekha.

Subah mujrewalle ne kaha-Sahab,

humne aapko khush kiya, ab aap

humko khush karo.

Santa utha aur naachne laga.

PATI PATNI

Teri sulaa ke loon?

Ya bitha ka loon?

Ya tujhe karoon kharaa?

Ya phir teri jhuka jhuka ke loon?

Ab tu hi bataa,

K mein teri,

Photo kaise loon.

DOUBLE MEANING

Pehle kiss karoon

Phir palang pe litaa doon

Phir chaddi utaar doon

Phir neeche haath lagaaoon

Aur check karoon ke

Baby ne susu toh nahin kiya hai.