Day 057

SHAADI

Larki-Meri maan ko tum bahut pasand

aaye ho.

Banta(sharmaate hue)-Kuch bhi ho

jaaye, mein shaadi tumhee se karoonga,

aunty se kehna, mujhe bhool jaaye

COCONUT TREE

Ganju-Agar naariyal ke ped pe char jaao,

toh engineering college ki larkiyaan dikh

jaayengi.

Panju-Fir haath shor dena, toh medical

college ki bhi dikh jaayengi.

TEACHER

Teacher-Aapko shah rukh khan ki

film ‘rab ne bana di jodi’ se kya seekh mili?

Student-Umeed  mat haaro, shaadi ke

baad bhi, larki pat sakti hai.

REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN

Biology teacher told all students

to draw female reproductive

organ.

One girl felt shy and looked down.

Sardar boy shouted-Madam, she

is copying.

DENTIST

Lady to dentist-Daant nikalwaane se

toh pregnant hona acha hai, dard

kam hota hai.

Dentist-Abhi soch lo, kya karwaana hai,

phir mein chair ussi hisaab se set

karoon.

Day 056

HUSBAND WIFE

Husband to wife-Did you have any

boyfriend before marriage?

Wife remains silent.

Husband-Mein is khaamoshi ko

kya samju?

Wife-Abbe gin ne toh de.

PAAGALPAN

Wife-If I die, what will you do?

Husband-Mein paagal ho jaaoonga.

Wife-Will you marry again after

I die?                                                                  

Husband-Paagal kuch bhi kar

sakta hai.

JAWAN BETI 
Santa-Ek problem hai yaar, meri

beti jawaan ho gayi hai, kya karoon?

Banta-Jawan ho gayi hai toh border

pe bhej de, saare jawaan waheen jaate

hain.

GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND

Girlfriend-Darling, tum mujhse shaadi

kab karoge?

Boyfriend-Arre pagli, do idli aur ek medu

vare ke liye, koi poora hotel khareedta hai?

CONDOM

Pati raat ko patni se sex karne lagaa.

Patni-Sunoji, aap is condom ko 15 veen

baar use kar rahe ho, ab toh isse phenk-kar

naya le lo.

Pati-Tu paagal ho gayi hai, iska expiry

date toh 6 mahine baad ka hai.

Day 055

DAVAA AND DAARU

What is the difference between

davaa  and daaru?

Dava is like girlfriend that comes

with expiry date and daaru is like

a wife, jitni puraani hogi, utna

sir char ke bolegi.

HUSBAND WIFE

Wife-What is 10 years with me?

Husband-A second.

Wife-What is $1000 for me?

Husband-A coin.

Wife-O.K., give me a coin.

Husband-Wait a second..

MISSING WIFE

Man-Sir, my wife is missing.

Postmaster-Bhai yeh post office hai.

Police station mein complain kijiye.

Man-Kya karoon, khushi ke mare

kuch samaj nahin aa raha hai.

SANTA KA BACHA

Santa ke yahaan teesri baar larki

hui toh usne ailaan kia ke beta

hua hai.

Ek dost ne dekha toh kaha-Yeh

toh larki hai.

Santa-Munda neeche se maan

par gaya hai.

KAMZOR PATI

Sardarni-Aaj kal tum dheele rahte

ho aur sex mein bhi udaas ho.

Santa-Bevkoof, stocks down,

gold down, silver down, toh popat

kaise up rahega.

         

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 054

PATI PATNI

Biwi(gusse mein)-“Tumhaare dimaag

mein toh gobar hi bhara hai.

Pati(pyar se)-“Toh phir itni der se

kha kyun rahi ho?

PANJU

Panju mobile company mein

job ke liye gaya.

Pehle hi sawaal ka jawaab dene

par usse maar kar baga diya.

Sawaal tha-Sabse acha network

kaunsa hai?

Panju-Cartoon Network.

BAAP BETA

Baap bete se-Naalaayak, tu fail

ho gaya aur dekh saamnewali

Roopa ko, 1^st aayi hai, dekh.

Beta-Kya karoon, usse  dekh dekh

kar hi toh fail ho  gaya hoon.

LADKA-LADKI

Larka larki se saamne pant utaarkar

bola-Kya tumhaare pass aisa hai?

Larki panty utaarkar boli-Jiske pass

aisi hotri hai, unke pass inki koi

kami nahin hoti.

HUSBAND WIFE

Wife-Aapko bus mein logon ne kyun mara?

Husband-Arey, mera photo bus mein

neeche gir gaya aur lady ke saari ke

neeche aa gaya. Meine kaha madam,

zara saari oopar kijiye, photo lena hai.

Day 053

WIFE AND SAALI

Saali is beauty, Wife is duty

Saali is passion, Wife is tension

Saali is patakha, Wife is syapa

Saali is cool, Wife is fool

Saali is tutty fruity, Wife is kismat futi

Saali is fresh cake, Wife is earthquake.

WIFE AND HUSBAND

How woman calls their husband

in 1^st 6 years.

First year:            JANU

Second year:      O.G.

Third year:          SUNTE HO?

Fourth year:        O BUNTY KE PAPA

Fifth year:            KAHAAN MAR GAYE?

Sixth year:           TUM AATE HO K MEIN AAOON?

MOTHER AND WIFE

What is the difference between

mother and wife?

One woman brings you into

this world crying and the other ensures

you continue to do so.

EIFEL TOWER

Aadmi mood mein aa gaya aur

usne patni se kaha-Pehle hum

room mein jaaen ya eifel tower pe.

Patni-Room chalte hain, eifel tower

toh kal bhi khara milega.

CLOTHES

Impotance of clothes in woman’s life.

Morning:              Wash clothes.

Noon:                  Dry clothes.

Evening:              Iron clothes.

Night:                   Open clothes.

Midnight:             No clothes

Early morning:    Search for clothes.     

Day 052

DIL

Larkon ka dil Mandir ki tarah

hota hai.

Isliye. Jab larke “I Love U”

bolte hain, toh larkiyaan apne

sandal utaar leti hain

MEHMAAN

Ek din tha jab log ghar

ke deewaar par likhte the-

“Atithi Devo Bhava”

Phir likha “Shubh Laabh”

Phir likha “You Are Welcome”

Aur ab likhte hain-

“Kutton Se Saavdhaan.”

BAAP BETA

Baap-12^th ke baad kya karoge?

Beta-BCA.

Baap-Very good, par BCA ka

matlab kya hai?

Beta-Baap ke cash pe aish.

HOOK AND BRA

What is the difference between

Hook in cricket and Bra?

One sends ball out of the

boundary and other keeps the

balls within the boundary.

BAAP BETA

A man busy having sex,

Son-Dad, kya kar rahe ho?

Dad-Mummy ke tank mein

petrol bhar raha hoon.

Son-Fuel meter check karke

daalo, dopahar mein hi Uncle

tank full karke gaye hain.

Day 050

BUS CONDUCTOR

Conductor-Darwaze ke kareeb

kyun khare ho, kya tumhara baap

watchman hai?

Banta-Tum hamesha chiller kyun

maangte ho, kya tumhara baap

bikhaari hai?

SANTA

Santa ne daaru peeke apne

aapko aaine mein dekha aur

bola-Isko toh kahaan dekha hai.

O-teri! Yaad aaya, yeh toh wahi

haraamkhor hai, jo shaadi ke

album mein mere biwi ke saath tha.

BAAP BETA

Beta-Mein jab business karooga

toh achon achon ke haath mein

katora padra doonga.

Baap-Kaise?

Beta-Paani puri bechkar.

BHAGWAN

Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?

Jab koi ladki shaadi se pehle pregnant

ho jaaye aur uski  maan kahe-Hey

Bhagwan, yeh tune kya kia.

BOYFRIEND

Widow to her boyfriend-No sex

please, I am still mourning the

death of my husband.

Boyfriend-I have wore a black condom,

so open your legs and let me offer

my deepest condolences.

Day 049

COCKROACH

Bhagwan-Agle janam mein kya

ban na pasand karoge?

Panju-Cockroach.

Surprised Bhagwan-Lekin kyun?

Dukhi Panju-Meri biwi sirf

cockroach se darti hai

DO AALSI

Do aalsi so rahe the.Tabhi ek chor

unka kambal le bhaga.

Pehla aalsi-Chor….chor…..!

Doosra aalsi-Chup chaap so ja,

jab takiya lene aayega tab

pakar lenge

SABZI

Panju sabzi lene gaya.

Sabziwala sabzi par paani maar

raha tha. Kaafi der ho gayi toh

Panju bola “agar sabzi ko hosh

aa gaya ho toh 1 kilo de dena..

.SEXYMOOD

Wife in sexy mood lovingly offers-

I want to have an wild experience.

Tie me up and do whatever you want.

Excited guy ties her up and screws

the maid.

MAN LADY

In  lift(elevator) man’s elbow accidently

touches lady’s breast.

Man-If your heart is as soft as your breast,

You will forgive me.

Lady-If your cock is as hard as your elbow,

I am in room no. 201

Day 048

ADVOCATE(VAKIL)

Vakil-Talaaq karvaane ke 50000

rupaiye lagenge.

Wife-Pagal ho kya? Panditji ne

101 rupaiye mein shaadi karvaai thi.

Vakil-Dekh liya na, saste kaam ka

natija.

PATI PATNI

Patni pati se boli-Dekho ji, kaam

karte waqt mere ko kiss-wiss na

kiya karo.

Tabi kaamwaali boli-Madam, achi

tarah samja do, mein bol bol ke

thak gayi hoon.

SANTA BANTA

Santa apni beti ke liye 24 saal

ka ladka dekhne gaya.

Wahaan se biwi ko phone kiya-

Arrey suno, 24 ka koi ladka nahin

mil raha hai, 12-12 ke do le aaoon

kya?

HEIGHT OF EMBARRASMENT

Man sitting with his wife in park

and a lady comes to his wife and

says-Paise pehle le lena, yeh aadmi

baad mein bahut lafra karta hai.

GABBAR SINGH

Gabbar rapes basanti and asks mazaa

aaya kya?

Kutte light chaalu kar, mein basanti

nahin mausi hoon, ab tu bol, tujhe

mazaa aaya kya?

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 047

EGYPTIAN BOY AND GIRL

An Egyptian girl asked a roman boy,

What can you do for me?

The boy replied-Come behind the

pyramid, I will make you mummy.

SANTA BANTA

Banta cycle ki brake haath mein

lekar naach raha tha.

Ek aadmi ne poocha-Kya kar rahe

ho, sardarji.

Banta-Oye, brake dance yaar.

LADKA LADKI

Ladka-Bus, train aur ladki ek jaise hote

hain, ek jaati hai toh doosri aa jaati hai.

Ladki-Auto, taxi aur ladke ek jaise

hote hain, ek ko bulaao toh chaar

aa jaate hain.

LINE MAARNA

Line maarne ke bahut se tarike hain,

jinmein se teen yeh hain- Ek pencil

Se ,Teen marker se.

Subco apne jaisa mat samjho.

Kuch log sharif bhi hote hain.

CONDOM KOTEX

Condom says to kotex.every month

you stop my business for one week.

Kotex says-Aah! If you make mistake

one time, I loose my business for

nine months.

Day 046

TIPU SULTAN

Teacher-Tipu Sultan kaun tha?

Student-Pata nahin.

Teacher-Padaai pe dhyaan do

toh pata chale.

Student-Ramesh kaun hai?

Teacher-Pata nahin.

Student-Apni beti par dhyan do

toh pata chale.

PATI PATNI

Patni-Suniye ji, aapka dost galat

ladki se shaadi kar raha hai, aap

usse rokte kyun nahin?

Pati-Mein usse kyun rokun, usne

mujhe roka tha?

PAROSI

Parosi-Yaar tere ghar se hamesha

hansne ki aawaz aati hai, khushi ka

kya raaz hai?

Pati-Meri biwi mujhe jute maarti hai,

lag jaaye toh woh hansti hai aur na

lage toh mein hansta hoon.

BUS

Bus mein jagah nahin thi toh ladki

ko ek uncle ne godh mein bitha liya.

Thodi der mein hi ladki jhatke se

uth gayi aur boli-Uncle ya toh usko

bitha lo ya mujhco.

LADKE LARKIYAAN

Ek bus mein antaakshri khelne

ke liye larkon aur larkiyon  ki

team bani.

Larkiyaan-Hum tumco haraakar

dikhaayenge.

Larke-Hum haar gaye, chalo ab

dikhaao.

Day 045

DULHA DULHAN

Vidhaai ke waqt dulhe ka mobile baja.

Dulhan ne dulhe ko zor se thapar maar

diya.

Kyunki mobile ka ringtone tha-

Dil mein chupaakar pyar ka armaan

le chale.

Hum aaj apni  maut ka saamaan

le chale.

CAR

Beta-Papa, hamari nayi car ka naam

mummy ke naam par kyun rakha hai?

Papa-Beta, kyunki yeh bhi mere control

ke baahar hai.

TEACHER STUDENT

Teacher-Usne khudkushi kar li,

Usse khudkushi karni pari. Farq batao?

Student-Pehla para likha berozghaar tha,

Doosra shaadi shuda tha.

JUICE

A child at the juice shop-

Papa, koi aisi machine nahin hai,

jismein juice daalo, toh fal nikle?

Papa-Hai, teri mummy, usmein meine

juice daala, toh tu nikal aaya.

PROSTITUTE

Ek choti bachi ne prostitute se poocha-

Aunty, aapke pass itna bara ghar hai,

paise hain, car hai, aapka business kya hai?

Prostitute-Bas beta, mera HOLE SALE

ka business hai.

Day 044

GANGUBAI

Ek baar santa gangubai ke ghar jaata

hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.

Gangubai-Kaun?

Santa-Mein.

Gangubai-Mein kaun?

Santa- Tu gangubai

HORSE

A girl curiously touched penis of a

horse. It got excited, jumped and

ran away.

Sardar(horse owner) said-Ab mera

bhi pakar, mujhe apna ghoda

pakarna hai.

SHARABI

Sharabi sex kar raha tha.

galti se peeche daal diya.

Biwi boli-O ji, Truck galat godaam

mein ja rahi hai.

Sharabi-Saali ab bata rahi hai,

jab diesel khatam ho gaya.

SUHAGRAAT

Suhatraat ko dulha apni dulhan

ki aankhon ko choom raha tha.

Dulhan ne poocha-Yeh kya kar

rahe ho?

Dulha-Teri aankhon se kitaab

par raha hoon.

Dulhan boli-Neeche library mein

aag lagi hui hai aur tu kitaab mein

gussa hua hai.

BEWAFA

Bewafa tum ho, toh wafadaar hum bhi nahin,

Besharam tum ho, toh sharmile hum bhi nahin,

Pyar ke is mor par aake kehte ho shadi shuda ho

Toh kya hua darling, Kunwaare hum bhi nahin.

Day 043

SASURAAL

Baap-Beta, sasural mein agar

Bike mile toh Car maangna

Cooler mile toh AC maangna

TV mile toh Computer maangna.

Beta-Agar woh ladki denge,

toh uski maan maang loonga.

MAAN BACHE

Maan bachon se-Jo meri baat maanega

aur mere aage kuch nahin bolega, mein

usse gift doongi.

Bache-Lo ji, is tarah toh saare gift papa

hi le jaayenge.

JUICE

Ek bacha juice ki dukaan pe-Papa, koi

aisi machine nahin hai, jismein juice

daalo toh fal nikle?

Papa-Hai, teri mummy, usmein meine

juice daala toh tu nikal aaya.

PANT

Arz kiya hai

Teri ada hi kaafi nahin,

Dil jalaane ke liye.

Teri ada hi kaafi nahin,

Dil jalaane ke liye,

Itni lambi pant kyun pehni hai,

Chotti si mungfali chupaane ke liye.

MEHNAT

Amir aadmi ne mazdoor se poocha-

Batao, sex mehnat hai ya mazaa.

Mazdoor-Huzur, sex mazaa hi hoga,

Mehnat hoti toh woh bhi aap hameen

se karvate.