Day 155

GADHA (DONKEY)

Pati: Arre, munne ko samjaao,

zid kar raha hai ke gadhe par

baithoonga.

Patni: Toh kya hua, bacha hi toh hai,

zara si der ke liye bitha kyun nahin lete?

MILK

Statistics of breast milk:

1-No need to insert the sugar.

2-No need to boil it.

3-Cats cannot steal it.

4-It’s tax free.

5-It has no expiry date.

6-Available in beautiful packing.

7-Buy one and get one free.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Francis

MARRIAGE

What a married man says after years

of marriage.

My marriage is made of Trust & Understanding.

She does not trust me & I don’t understand her.

DULHA

Shaadi ek aisa din hai jab larka stage par

apni dulhan ke saath baithe hue doosri

khoobsurat larkiyon ko dekhta hai aur

sochta hai: Sab aaj se pehle, kahaan mar

gayee theen.

HUSBAND WIFE

Husband asking his wife in bed:

Thora oopar, ab left, itna nahin,

Thora right hoke peeche.

Wife: Are you f#cking me or parking?

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Ravi

Day 154

MOBILE

Larki: Mujhe kitna pyar karte ho?

Larka: Mera dil mobile hai aur tum

uska sim card ho.

Larki: Hey bhagwan, mein kitni lucky hoon.

Larka: Thank God, usse pata nahin ke

mera mobile dual sim ka hai.

ENGINEER

A policeman arrested a prostitute

in the hospital area and asked her

profession.

Prostitute: I am Social Engineer.

Policeman: What do you do?

Prostitute: I Build & Destroy erections.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : John

SANTA BANTA

Santa: Tu mirror ke saamne baithkar

kyun parta hai?

Banta: 3 faayde hain.

1-Saath mein revision ho jata hai.

2-Khud par nazar bhi rehti hai.

3-Parne ke liye, company mil jaati hai.

LARKA LARKI

Ek larki ko dekhkar, ek larka bola,

stop, I can PK.

Larki: What is PK?

Larka: Propose Karoonga.

Tabi larki boli: FSSSM.

Larka: What is FSSSM?

Larki: Fut saala, sandal se maaroongi.

CANCER

Santa goes to hospital for periodic check up.

Doctor: “You have cancer in P@nis.”

Santa goes and beats his wife and shouts:

“I told you to stop smoking.”
Joke submitted, courtesy of : John

Day 153

NURSERY CLASS STUDENT

Ek nursery class ka bacha bola:

Mam, mein aapko kaisa lagta hoon?

Mam: So sweet.

Bacha apne saath baithe hue larke

se bola: Dekha, meine kaha tha na,

line maarti hai.

BANIYA

A baniya do s@x on alternate days.

His friend asks: Why not you do

regularly?

Baniya replies: Kya karein, ek din toh

condom sukhaane mein bhi lag jaata hai.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Hassan

TEACHER

Teacher: Saal mein kitne mahine hote hain?

Larka: 12

Teacher: Bahut acha, tumhe kaise pata?

Larka: 12 mahine mein, 12 tarikon se,

Tujhko pyar jataaoonga re,

Dhink chikka, dhink chikka, dhink chikka.

LARKA LARKI

Larka larki se: Tumhari kameez fati hui hai.

Larki: Nahin, yeh fashion hai.

Larka: Acha, khud faro toh fashion,

Hum farein toh police station.

DELIVERY

Doctor to Female: Kya aap delivery ke

time, bache ke pita ko pass dekhna chaahogi?

Female: Nahin, unhe mere pati pasand nahin karte.

Day 152

MONDAY, 18 JUNE 2012

TEACHER

Teacher: Paani mein rehne wale

5 jeev jantu ke naam batao.

Panju: Mendak.

Teacher: 4 aur batao.

Panju: Mendak ki mummy, mendak

ka papa, mendak ki behen aur

mendak ki item.

CHAAND

Sir: Angrezon ne chaand par

paani aur baraf ki khoj kar li hai.

Bataao is se tumne kya seekha?

Pappu: Bas humein ab sirf daaru

aur namkeen leke jaana hai.

MOTHER AND SON

A little boy was so jealous of his

new born brother, he put poison

on mom’s nipple while she was

asleep.

The next day their driver died.

Joke submitted, courtest of : Adam

SANTA BANTA

Santa aur Banta 8^th mein aathveen

baar fail ho gaye.

Banta: Chal, suicide kar lein.

Santa: Saale, paagal ho gaya hai.

Agle janam phir nursery se hi shuru

karna parega.

TWO GIRLFRIENDS

1^st Girfriend: What do you get when

you have s@x with a judge, banker,

and architect?

2^nd Girlfriend:

Judge-Honourable discharge

Banker-Premature withdrawal

Architect-illegal erection.

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 151

BAAP BETI

Larki ka baap larki se: Jisse tum

pasand karti ho, uske pass bangla,

gaari, jaayadaad toh hai na?

Larki: Hai tauba, saare mard ek

jaise hote hain. Woh bhi aapke

baare mein yehi pooch raha tha.

PARAAI

Hum kabhi paraa na sake.

Kyunki, paraai sirf do wajah se hoti hai

1-   Showk se

2-   Darr se.

Faltu showk hum paalte nahin

aur darte toh hum, kisike baap se nahin.

PASSWORD

Yesterday I named my wi fi “hack if you can”

Today, when I woke up, it was changed to

“challenge accepted.”

Caution: Read, if above 18

MOSQUITO

Girlfriend & boygriend go for a movie.

In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl’s skirt.

Guess where it would have bitten,

The Boy’s Hand.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Danny

Caution: Read, if above 18

NEW GENERATION KIDS

A father came in the bedroom to find his 13 years old

daughter smoking a cigarette.

‘My God! How long have  you been smoking? Screams father.

“Since I lost my virginity” replies the girl.

“You lost your virginity! When the hell did this happen?’

shrieks the father.

“I don’t remember,”says the girl. “I was drunk.”

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Danny

Day 150

BANK LOAN

Bank manager santa se: Cyclone

kise kehte hain?

Santa ne muskrakar jawab diya:

Cyclone ek chota loan hai, jo cycle

khareedne ke liye diya jaata hai.

PATI PATNI

Pati: Aaj baahar khaana khaayenge.

Patni: Kyun, mere khaane se bore

ho gaye ho?

Pati: Nahin, aaj bartan saaf karne

ka mood nahin hai.

BAAP BETA

Beta: Papa, mummy aaj bahut khaamosh hai.

Mastiwala papa: Kuch nahin beta, tumhaari

mummy ne lipstick maangi thi, meine fevicol

de diya. That’s all. No chip chip, no chik chik.

Cautin: Read, if above 18

GIRL

A girl who opens her hands receives gifts,

Who opens her heart receives love,

Who opens her legs receives a baby.

Joke submitted, courtesy of :  Francis

Cautin: Read, if above 18

CHAKKA

Chakke ko peeche se kisine ungli ki

aur shup gaya. Peeche ek 70 saal ka

baba tha.

Chakka: Babaji missed call aapne ki?

Baba chotti uthaake bola: Mera toh

balance hi khatam hai.

Joke submitted, courtesy of :  Francis

Day 149

FRIDAY, 14 JUNE 2012

SARDAR

Ek sardar ke 20 bache the.

Ek din uski patni ne poocha:

Mein kaisi lag rahi hoon?

Sardar: Roop tera mastana,

Pass mere mat aana,

Phool koi phir se na khil jaaye.

BIWI

Baap  bete se: Tumhe kaisi biwi chaahiye?

Beta; Mujhe chaand jaisi biwi chaahiye,

jo raat ko aaye aur subaha chali jaaye.

AADMI

Ek aadmi bar mein baitha pee

raha tha aur ro raha tha.

Kisine poocha: Kyun ro rahe ho?

Aadmi: Jis larki ka naam bhoolne

ke liye pee raha hoon, uska naam

nahin yaad aa raha.

Caution: Read, if above 18

DOCTOR

Aurat: Doctor sahab, mujhe thora

time bacha nahin chaahiye.

Doctor: Yeh condom le lo.

Aurat: Yeh paani ke saath loon

ya doodh ke saath.

Doctor: Kele ke saath lo.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Junaid

Caution: Read, if above 18

DOG & BITCH

4 dogs were f#cking a bitch hard.

Pass mein ek aunty khari thi aur

rone lagi.

Saheli ne poocha: Kya hua?

Aunty: Kuch nahin, college ke din

yaad aa gaye.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Junaid

Day 148

WEDNESDAY, 13 JUNE 2012

PYAR

Pyar bhi ajeeb hai.

Maan se ho toh puja,

Baap se ho toh izzat,

Bhai se ho toh vishwas,

Behen se ho toh farz,

Lekin wahi pyar, wife se ho toh

sabhi kehte hain: Naalayak,

Joru ka gulaam hai.

PATI PATNI

Ghar chora, sasural mila

Bhai chora, devar mila

Behen chori, nanand mili

Maan baap chore, saas sasur mile

Pati toh muft mein mila ,

ab batao, kadar kaise hogi?

LARKI KA DIL

Ek larki ka dil sahi mein kab toot

ta hai?

Jab woh apne jaaise print ka suit,

mohalle ki kaamwaali ko pehne dekhti hai.

Caution: Read, if above 18

BULL

Wife read a book and tell her husband:

A bull f#cks 300 times a year.

You don’t do quarter of that.

Husband: Where is it written that

he f#cks the same cow?

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Danny

Caution: Read, if above 18

NURSE

A nurse walking through hospital

with 1 boob hanging out of uniform.

The senior doctor caught her.

She said: These wardboys never

put back anything in place after using.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Danny

Day 147

TUESDAY, 12 JUNE 2012

KUTTA

Ek aadmi ne santa se poocha:

Kutte shaadi kyun nahin karte?

Santa ne jawab diya: Kyunki

woh toh pehle se hi kutton ki

zindagi ji rahe hote hain.

COLLEGE

Ek student ne MBA ka form

bharte hue watchman se poocha:

Janab, yeh college kaisa hai?

Watchman: Bahut hi acha hai, meine

bhi yaheen se hi MBA kiya hai.

AADARSH PATNI

Zamaane mein aadarsh patni

kisse kehte hain?

Jo bartan, kapre, jaaru pochaa –

in short ghar ke sabhi kaam karne

mein pati ki help kare, woh.

Caution: Read, if above 18

GIRL’S HAIR

6 feet girl to her boss: I am being

sexually harassed.

Boss: How?

Girl: This guy comes in every morning

and says your hair smells great.

Boss: What’s the problem in that?

Girl: He is 3 feet tall.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Hamid

Caution: Read, if above 18

PRAYER

Son: Kal daddy ke room se pray

karne ki aawaz aa rahi thi.

Mom: Pray karna toh achi baat hai.

Son: Daddy to chup the, unki

secretary chilla rahi thi ‘O GOD, O GOD.’

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Hamid

Day 146

MONDAY , 11 JUNE 2012

BUZURG AADMI

Ek gaanv mein kisi buzurg ke

mar jaane se school mein chutti

ho gayee.

School se aate waqt 2 bachon ne

2 buzurgon ko dekha toh ek bacha

bola: Dekh, do aur chutti aa  rahi hain.

LARKA LARKI

Ek larki burke mein ja rahi thi.

Larka: Kahaan ja rahi ho meri jaan.

Larki: Tere ghar.

Larka: Mein bhi aata hoon.

Larki: Aaja besharam, ammi ko

bataaoongi, apni behen ko cherta hai.

ARTIST

Girl to a tattoo artist: How much

do you charge for tattooing an

animal, just above me knee?

Artist: Rs. 100 for a tiger, rabbit,

lion but giraffe is free.

Caution: Read, if above 18

SANTA BANTA

Santa: Yaar, ek masla khara ho gaya hai.

Banta: Yaar, itna kyun masla, jo saala

khara hi ho gaya.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Chander

Caution: Read, if above 18

LADY LAWYER

8 years old boy was caught in rape case.

Lady lawyer holds his penis and says:

Your honour, see him, can he rape?

Boy silently: Don’t rub or else you will

loose the case.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Chander

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 145

MAAN BETA

Maan: Beta, kya kar rahe ho?

Beta: Par raha hoon, maan.

Maan: Bahut acha, kya par rahe ho?

Beta: Aapki hone waali bahu ke messages.

HUSBAND WIFE

Wife to husband: Dear, this computer

is not working as per my command.

Husband: Darling, it’s a computer,

not a husband.

TRAIN

Ek aadmi ka honth jala hua tha.

Kisine poocha: Kaise jala?

Aadmi bola: Patni ko shorne station

gaya tha, khushi ke mare train ke

engine ko choom liya.

Caution: Read, if above 18

VIBRATOR

Girl enters a sex shop.

Girl: Where is the vibrator section?

Clerk: Over there madam.

Girl: How much for this big red one?

Clerk: Sorry madam…. That’s a

fire extinguisher.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Azghar

Caution: Read, if above 18

DOCTOR

Lady: Doctor, I have got brown discharge,

Is it infection?

Doctor: How often do you have sex?

Lady: Once a month.

Doctor: Yeh infection nahin, ZANG lag

gaya hai.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Azghar

Day 144

BAAP BETA

Baap ne bete ki talaashi li.

Cigarette, tambaaku, daaru

ki botal aur larkiyon ke mobile

number nikle.

Baap ne bahut maara aur poocha,

kabse yeh sab chal raha hai?

Beta rote hue: Papa, yeh jacket

aapka hai.

SANTA

Santa: Mere bete ka credit card

chori ho gaya.

Banta: Bank ko bataya.

Santa: Nahin, chor mere bete se

kam kharcha karta hai.

PATI PATNI

Bhagwan ne ek aadmi ki yaadaashaat

mita di. Phir uss se poocha: Kuch yaad

hai tumhe?

Aadmi ne apne patni ka naam bata diya.

Bhagwan: Format karne ke baad bhi

virus vaapas aa gaya.

Caution: Read, if above 18

BED

Aadmi: Bed mazboot banana, mere bete

ko bahu ke saath sona hai.

Carpenter: Sahab, aisa mazboot bed

banaaoonga ke saara mohalla bahu

ke saath soyega, toh bhi nahin tootega.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Haider

Caution: Read, if above 18

5 RUPAIYE

Beta: 5 rupaiye do.

Baap: Right jeb se le le ( jeb fati hui thi

aur bete ko baap ka auzaar hath mein

aa gaya).

Beta: Nahin hai.

Baap: Left jeb dekh. (Woh bhi fati thi,

phir auzaar bete ke haath mein aa gaya.

Beta: Budhe ke pass paisa ek bhi nahin,

lekin auzaar do do rakhta hai.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Haider