Day 109

SARDAR

Ek sardar ko 20 bache the.

Ek din uski patni ne poocha, mein

kaisi lag rahi hoon?

Sardar: Roop tera mastana,

pass mere mat aana, phool

koi phir se na khil jaaye.

MARD KI LIFE

Har mard ki life dekho toh:

Without shaadi   -        Spiderman.

Shaadi ke time   -        Superman

Shaadi ke baad  -        Gentleman.

Aur biwi khoobsurat ho toh, poori

umar watchman.

BAKRA

Graahak: Yeh bakra kitne ka hai?

Kasaai: 500 rupaiye ka.

Graahak: Itna sasta.

Kasaai: China ka hai, koi guarantee

nahin hai, ho sakta hai kal bhowkne lage.

Caution: Read, if above 18

PATI PATNI

Cycle mistri ne suhaagraat mein apni patni

ko paani ke bathtub mein litaa diya.

Patni: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Pati: Jaaneman, mujhe toh ched paani

mein hi dikhta hai.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Mahmood

Caution: Read, if above 18

GOLF

The most difficult golf course in the world

Is ‘’Woman Hole.”

Any style you play, as many shots you try

and as much perfection you have, you

can never get your balls in.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Mahmood

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 108

JYOTISH

Jyotish: Tumhaari life mein 12 larkiyaan

aayengi.

Larka; Wah!  Kya zindagi hogi.

Jyotish: Zyada khush mat ho, ek biwi

aur 11 betiyaan hongi.

MAST SHER

Patni: Aaj koi sher sunao.

Pati: Abhi nahin.

Patni: Sunaao na.

Pati: Lo suno:

Jaane jigar jaaneman

90 kilo tera wazan

Tu jo gir jaaye mujhpe

Mar jaaoonga mein sanam.

PATI PATNI

Patni aur suraj mein kya antar hai?

Yehi ke dono ki taraf, aankh uthakar

nahin dekh sakte.

Caution: Read, if above 18

GABBAR SINGH

Samba: Sardar, thakur ka kya karna hai?

Gabbar: Kuch nahin, uske haath kaat do

aur roz 3 blue films dikhaao, woh khud

tarap tarap ke mar jaayega.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Junaid

Caution: Read, if above 18

BREASTS

Ek boob ne doosre boob se poocha,

laraai nichli gulii mein hoti hai, pakre

hum jaate hain.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Junaid

Day 107

PATI PATNI

Patni shopping karke aayi

toh pati saamaan lete hue

bola: Zaroor mere khaane ke

liye kuch laayi hogi.

Patni: Bilkul theek. Ismein mere

naye sandal hain.

NAUKRI

Employee: Seth, aap shaadi shuda

mardon ko hi naukri kyun dete hain?

Boss: Kyunki une pehle hi se gaaliyaan

khaane ki aadat hoti hai.

PATI PATNI

Ek pati patni mein jagra hua.

Pati gusse mein: Mere andar

ke jaanwar ko baahar mat aane do.

Patni: Choohe se kaun darta hai.

Caution: Read, if above 18

SEXY LARKI

Ek sexy larki ka gang rape ho raha tha.

Woh chilla chillakar kah rahi thi: “Kutto,

kamino” bhagwan ke liye laro mat,

subco milega.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Junaid

Caution: Read, if above 18

BUDHA

Ek din ek budha romantic mood mein

apni biwi se bola: Darling, mein tumhaare

liye aasmaan se tare tor laaoonga.

Budhi: Haraamkhor,munh se mungfali

toh tori nahin jaati, aur ga… se akhrot

torne ke sapne dekh raha hai.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Junaid

Day 106

BAAP BETA

Beta: Papa, sab log shaadi karke

pareshaan hi hote hain, toh shaadi

kyun karte hain?

Papa: Beta, akal badaam khaane se

nahin, thokar khaane se aati hai.

SONU MONU

Sonu: Tujhe sharam nahin aati, tu

apne biwi ke saath kapre do raha hai.

Monu: Iss mein sharam ki kya baat

hai, woh bhi roti pakaane mein help

karti hai.

MARRIAGE TIP

When you want your wife’s attention,

just look comfortable and happy.

Caution: Read, if above 18

SARDAR

Sardar: Sunti ho, aaj hamaare chintu

ne aadha shabadh bolna seekha hai.

Sardarni: Sach…, kya bola?

Sardar: Ben….

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Naresh

Caution: Read, if above 18

NEWTON’S LAW

Newton’s 3 scientific sex laws:

1 – A hole attracts a pole.

2 – Length of pole is equal to the depth of hole.

3 – Up down motion, releases a lotion which

      increase population without calculation.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Naresh

Day 105

HEIGHT OF SHAQ

Pati: Mein tumhaare saath

100 saal rahoonga aur pyar

karoonga.

Patni: Uske baad kahaan

muhn maarne ka irada hai.

HASNA

Yeh ek achi kahaavat hai ke,

jo hanse unke ghar basein.

Lekin sawaal hai ke, ghar

basne ke baad kitne hanse.

DENTIST

Doctor: Aapke 3 daant toot gaye hain.

Santa: Biwi ne karak halwa banaaya

tha, woh khaaya.

Doctor:  Toh halwa khaane se mana

kar dete.

Santa: Phir toh 32 ke 32 toot jaate.

Caution: Read, if above 18

TOOTH ACHE

A dentist was removing a tooth of

a lady. He said “mam, you are

holding my balls.”

She said: I know, it’s just to remind

you that we are not going to hurt

each other.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Naresh

Caution: Read, if above 18

A GIRL’S LIFE

Jab tere chickoo the,

Sab tere pishoo the,

Jab tere aam hue,

Sabhi pareshaan hue,

Jab tere kharbuje hue,

Barey ajoobe hue,

Jab tere jhool gaye,

Sabi tujhe bhool gaye…

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Naresh

Day 104

POPCORN

Popcorn aur patni mein

kya samaanta hai?

Dono ko thora sa jalaao,

muhn fula lete hain.

MARRIAGE

Before marriage, roses are red,

sky is blue, you are beautiful,

I love you.

After marriage, roses are dead,

I have flu, don’t get on my head,

side ho tu.

PATI PATNI

Patni: Mujhe sone ka haar dilva do,

mein tumhe saat janam tak chaahoongi.

Pati: Haar ke saath kangan bhi doonga,

lekin baat iss janam tak rehne do.

Caution: Read, if above 18

LARKA LARKI

Larki: Aaj mat daalo.

Larka: Kyun?

Larki: Tum daal kar so gaye, bahut

dard hua, mein poori raat masalti

rahi aur paani bhi nikalta tha.

Mujhe lagta hai ke yeh eye drop

bekaar hai.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Ramesh

Caution: Read, if above 18

DADA POTA

Pota: Dadaji, yeh condom kya hota hai?

Dadaji: Chal bhaag naalaayak kaheen ka,

mujhe nahin pata.

Pota: Mein jaanta tha buddhe, tujhe pata

hota toh, aaj jaaydaad ke 14 tukre

nahin hote.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Ramesh

Day 103

GADHA

Beta: Shaadi mein dulhe ko gadhe

par kyun nahin bithate?

Baap: Taki log 2 gadhe dekhkar

darr nahin jaayein.

SANTA

Santa begum ke liye chappal lene

gaya.

Dukaandaar: Sir ji, size toh bataao?

Santa: Yaar, woh toh mein bhool

gaya hoon, aisa karo, mere kamar

pe nishaan dekhkar de do.

PATI PATNI

Patni: Pehle mere pati bhaag bhaag kar

meri khwaaish poori karte the.

Saheli: Aur ab?

Patni: Ab farmaaish sunte hi bhaag

jaate hain.

Caution: Read, if above 18

DOUBLE MEANING

Daalne laga mein, toh cheekhne lagi woh,

Hua dard itna, ke so na saki woh,

Takleef itni hui, ke boli baahar nikaalo,

Doosri size ki chooriyaan, mere haath mein daalo.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Imran

Caution: Read, if above 18

SILKY BADAN

Badan uska silky ho,

Breasts uske milky ho,

Dekhne mein chikni ho,

Pehni usne bikni ho,

Neeche uske chimney ho,

Lamba apna danda ho,

Usmein jaake thanda ho.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Imran

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 102

GIRLS

Girls of 1995:

Agar tum mil jaao,

zamaana shor denge hum.

Girls of 2012:

Agar tum mil jaao,

Puraana shor denge hum.

DUKHI AADMI

Duniya mein sabse dukhi aadmi

kaun hai?

Pani puri wala.

Kaise?

Kyunki larki kunwaari ho ya

shadi-shuda, “Bhaiya”hi bulaati hai.

PATI PATNI

Pati aur patni mandir mein:

Pati: Tumne kya maanga?

Patni: Ke aap aur mein saat janam

tak saath rahein.

Patni: Aur aapne kya maanga?

Pati: Ke yeh mera saatwaan janam ho.

Caution: Read, if you are above 18

SARDAR

Sardar ghar aaya  toh biwi bed pe

taangein faila kar baithi thi.

Biwi: Kuch samje?

Sardar: Samja haraamzaadi, aaj poore

bed pe tu akeli hi sona chaahati hai.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Ramesh

Caution: Read, if you are above 18

LARKA LARKI

Larki: Yeh larke apna mobile pant mein

hi kyun rakhte hain?

Larka: Kyunki pant mein signal full aata hai.

Larki: Woh kaise?

Larka: Kyunki tower kareeb hota hai.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Ramesh

Day 101

HUSBAND- WIFE

Husband apni wife ka janaaza

lekar jar aha tha.

Janaaze ke aage ek kutta aur

peeche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi.

Ek aadmi aakar poochta hai: Bhai,

yeh sab kaise hua?

Husband: Iss kutte ne kaat liya tha.

Aadmi: Yeh kutta ek din ke liye

mujhe de do.

Husband: Peeche line mein lag jaao.

SARDARJI

Aadmi sardarji se:Sardarji. Agar aapki

biwi ko bhoot utha le jaaye toh aap

kya karenge?

Sardarji: Meine kya karna hai, galti

bhoot ki hai, khud bughte.

BETI

Papa beti se: Beti, pehle toh tum mujhe

papa kehti thi, lekin ab tum mujhe dad

kehti ho, kyun?

Beti: Oh Dad! Papa kehne se lipstick

kharaab hoti hai.

Caution: Please read this, if you are above 18

Ek aadmi larki se sex karne gaya.

Usne larki ko nangi kiya aur ulta jhuka ke bola:

Tumhaari puddi par ek bhi baal nahin hai, kyun?

Larki, Bosri ke, chodne aaya hai ke kangi karne.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Imran

Caution: Please read this, if you are above 18

AUNTY

Jawan larka apni jawan aunty ke saath scooter par jar aha tha.

Jab bhi aunty ke boobs uski kamar par lagte to woh kehta:

Na pappu na, yeh aunty hai.

Ghar aake aunty ne us se poocha: Tu kis pappu se baatein kar raha tha

Larke ne sharmaate hue kaha: Mera baar baar kharaa ho raha tha, toh mein isko samjha raha tha, ke pappu, kharaa na ho, yeh aunty hai.

Aunty khushi se boli: Hut paagal, tu pappu ko mat rok, aunty toh mein teri hoon, pappu ki nahin.

Caution: Please read this, if you are above 18

Day 100

THURSDAY 19 APRIL 2012

DOCTOR

Ek pathaan naya naya doctor bana.

Doctor ban ne ke baad, usne pehla

operation kiya.

Operation theatre se baahar naikalkar

kehne laga: Ya allah, mera pehla gift

kabool karna.

SHAADI

Ek larke ki shaadi nahin ho rahi thi.

Woh mannat maangne gaya.

Wahaan uski maan khaayee mein

gir gayee.

Woh bola: Ya khuda, apni toh mili

nahin, bapu ki bhi gayee.

RESTAURANT

Customer: Bhai, kab se wait kar raha

hoon, khaana ab tak taiyaar nahin hua?

Waiter: Bhai sahab, khaana toh taiyaar

hai, bas garam ho raha hai.

Caution: Read this if you are above 18

SUHAAGRAAT

Suhaagraat pe pati patni se:

Dekhne mein toh tere Boobs bare soft

aur pink lag rahe hain.

Patni (sharmaate hue): Pata nahin ji,

“ Jitne muhn, utni baatein.”

Joke supplied, coutesy of: Imran

Caution: Read this if you are above 18

LARKA LARKI

Larke ne larki se sex khatam hi kiya tha

ke larki boli: Tumhaari baansuri bahut

chotti hai.

Larka: Mujhe kya pata tha ke national

stadium mein bajaani paregi.

Joke supplied, coutesy of: Imran

Day 099

DULHAN

Dulhan andhe pati se: Kaash tumhaari

aankhein hoti toh tum mere husn ko

dekh sakte.

Pati: Agar tum khoobsoorat hoti toh

kya aankhon wale tumhe mere liye

shor dete.

PATI PATNI

Patni: Ek baat bataaoon, tum maaroge

toh nahin?

Pati: Bolo.

Patni: Mein pregnant hoon.

Pati: Yeh toh achi baat hai.

Patni: Shaadi se pehle papa ko bataya

tha, bahut pitaai hui thi.

SANTA BANTA

Santa ne ek sapna dekha ke uski patni

ko chor le gaye.

Agle din usne ek bank mein khaata khola.

Banta ne khaata kholne ka kaaran poocha.

Santa ne kaha: Kyunki bank ka slogan hai,

hum aapke sapne ko saakaar karte hain.

WOMEN

Women are basically greedy, they want

all things from one man.

While men are so simple that they want

only one thing from all women.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Raymond

SARDARJI

Sardarji ne kitaab parte hue biwi ke panty

mein haath daala.

Biwi: Sex karna chaahte ho?

Sardarji: Nahin, kitaab ka page palatne ke

liye ungli geelee karni thi.

Joke supplied, courtesy of Badmaash: Rajan

Day 098

SHER (LION)

Sher ki shaadi thi.

Baaraat mein sabi sheron

ke beech ek chuha naach

raha tha. Uss se poocha gaya:

Aap yahaan kaise?

Chuha bola: Shaadi ke pehle

hum bhi sher the.

PATI PATNI

Patni gusse mein: Aaj ke baad

mein tumse baat nahin karoongi.

Pati: Kyun tum ganji hone wali ho?

Patni: Nahin, tumhe behra karne

wali hoon.

SHAADI

Santa apni maan se: Maan khush

Khabri hai.

Maan: Bol beta.

Santa: Hum do se teen ho gaye hain.

Maan: Beta hua ya beti.

Santa: Na beta na beti, teri bahu ne

doosri shaadi kar li hai.

MIDDLE CLASS

Middle class aadmi ki bhi kya zindagi hai.

Pant khareedta hai toh joote phat jaate hain.

Joote khareedta hai toh shirt phat jaati hai.

Sab saath khareedta hai toh gaand phat

jaati hai.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Heman

A boyfriend is like a bra

Comfortable

Supportive,

Prevent you from falling

Holds you tight and

Is always close to your heart.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Heman