Day 137

PREMI PREMIKA

Premika premi se: Mera laadla,

mera pyara, mera sona, mujhse

shaadi karoge? Bolo baby, bolo na.

Premi: Tum mujhe propose kar rahi

ho ya adopt.

BEGGAR

Fakir santa se: Aapke parosi ne pet

bharke khaana khilaaya hai, aap

bhi kuch khilaao.

Santa: Yeh lo “haajmola.’

SANTA

Santa: Yaar yeh automatically kya hota hai?

Banta: Simple yaar, jab koi ganji aurat auto

mein baith ke jaaye toh usse kehte hain

Auto-Mein-Takli.

Caution: Read, if above 18

DOCTOR

Doctor to old man: Babuji apke neeche ki

dono goliyaan nikaalni paregi.

Old man: Nikaal de beta, jab bandook hi nahin

chal rahi hai, toh goliyon ki kya zaroorat hai.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Niranjan

Caution: Read, if above 18

BAR DANCER

Bar dancer dancing.

She removes top, more claps,

Removes bra, louder claps,

Removes panty, silence…

Moral of the story:

Taali ek haath se nahin bajti.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Niranjan

Day 136

SANTA

Santa suicide karne ke liye train

ki patri par baitha tha aur saath

mein daaru aur chicken tha.

Kisine uss se poocha: Kya hai,

Yeh sab kyun leke baithe ho?

Santa ne jawaab diya: Saali train

late aati hai, kahin bookh se na

mar jaaoon.

JUDGE VAKIL

Judge:  Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho?

Vakil: Kaun saala aisa kehta hai?

Judge: Tumne mujhe saala bola?

Vakil: Nahin, My lord, meine poocha

kaun sa law aisa kehta hai.

TEACHER

Teacher to students: Lecture kaisa

hona chaahiye?

Students: Mini skirt jaisa, zaroori topic

cover bhi ho jaaye aur sabka interest

bhi bana rahe.

Caution: Read, if above 18

LOVE

Love without sex is like cooking without

eating.

But be careful because sex without

condom is like driving a car without brakes.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Mayur

Caution: Read, if above 18

GUIDANCE

Hubby was kneeling by the bed and praying.

Wife asks: What are you praying for?

Husband: Guidance.

Wife: Bastard! Pray for stiffness, I will guide you.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Mayur

Day 135

Tuesday  29 May, 2012

LARKA LARKI

Ek larki apne boyfriend ke saath

nai car mein long drive par ja rahi thi.

Achaanak larki kehne lagi: Suno!

Kya tum ek haath se gaari chalaa

sakte ho?

Larke ne bare fakar se kaha: Kyun

nahin?

Larki ne ahista se kaha: Toh phir

doosre haath se apni naak safa

kar lo.

PATI PATNI

Raat ko pati aur patni so rahe the.

Ekdum se patni ko pati ki aawaaz

aayi.

Patni ne uthkar pati se poocha:

Kya baat hai?

Pati ne bataaya ke meri kameez

zamin par gir gayi thi.

Patni ne kaha: Toh itna shor kyun machaaya?

Pati bola: Uss kameez mein mein bhi tha.

SANTA

Shaadi mein santa bahut der tak

khaana kha raha tha.

Kisine poocha, kab tak khaaoge?

Santa: Mein toh khud kha kha kar

dukhi hoon, par kya karoon, card

mein likha hai, Dinner 7p.m. to 10 p.m.

Caution: Read, if above 18

CIRCULATION

Medical science says: Tighter clothing

stops circulation.

But the truth is: Tighter a woman’s

clothing, more the circulation is in man’s body.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Surinder

Caution: Read, if above 18

DOUBLE MEANING

I love the way it rubs against the

soft pink flesh and makes a creamy,

foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out,

up and down. I can’t wait for next time.

I love my toothbrush.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Surinder

Day 134

BAAP BETA

Beta papa se: Papa, mein itna

bara kab ho jaaoonga ke mummy

se bina pooche ghar se baahar

ja sakoon.

Papa (thandi saans lete hue): Beta,

itna bara toh mein bhi nahin hua hoon.

LARKA LARKI

Larka: Kya tum mere saath dance karogi?

Larki jawab deti hai: Mein bache ke saath

dance nahin karti.

Larka: Sorry, mujhe pata nahin tha ke tum

pregnant ho.

PATI PATNI

Pati: Sher ka shikaar karne ja raha hoon,

darling.

Patni: Toh jaao na, khare kyun ho?

Pati: Kaise jaaoon, baahar kutta jo khara hai.

Caution: Read, if above 18

NASBANDI

Nasbandi ki team ko dubaara village mein

dekhkar ek budda bola: In logon ne connection

pehle hi kaat diya tha, ab kya handset  bhi

le jaayenge.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Bobby

Caution: Read, if above 18

BARBER

Hajjam ki dukaan ke oopar, ghar pe ek aurat

ne sari sukhaane daali.

Hajjam ki dukaan mein andhera ho gaya.

Hajjam ne aawaz di: Bibiji, sari uthaao,

neeche baal kaatne hain.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Bobby

SUNDAY HOLIDAY

Day 133

NURSE

Patient nurse se: I love you,

tumne mera dil chura liya hai.

Nurse: Chal hut jhoothe, humne

toh teri kidney chura li hai.

SANTA

Doctor santa se: Aapko brain

tumour hai.

Santa: That’s great.

Doctor: Aap itne khush kyun hai?

Santa: Iss se yeh saabit hota hai

ke mere pass brain hai.

TEACHER

Teacher: Un do kings ka naam
bataao, jinhone duniya ke logon

ko nayi raah pe chalaaya.

1-   Smoking

2-   Drinking.

Caution: Read, if above 18

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN ME

Girl: What do you like in me?

Boy: Those 2 balls having black

dots in center.

Girl: You rascal, are you with me

for that?

Boy: Yes, I like your eyes.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Hussein

Caution: Read, if above 18

HOW DO YOU KNOW

5 years old boy looks at his

father’s erected dick and says

“PEPSI BOTTLE.”

Dad asks: How do you know?

Son: Because Mum sucks

neighbour’s dick and says:

“YEH DIL MAANGE MORE.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Hussein

Day 132

DO DOST

Do dost, jo bahut saal mile

nahin the, achaanak mil gaye.

1^st dost: Aaj kal tum kiske liye

kaam karte ho?

2^nd dost: Unni ke liye, ek biwi

aur chaar bache.

BOY GIRL

Boy: Chalo kisi sunsaan/veeraan

jagah chalte hain.

Girl: Tum aisi waisi harqat toh nahin

karoge?

Boy: Bilkul nahin.

Girl: Phir rehne do.

BAAP RE BAAP

Seene mein dil,

Dil mein dard,

Dard mein yaqin,

Yaqin mein khayaal,

Khayaal mein khwab,

Khawb mein tasvir,

Tasvir mein aap,

Itna daraawanaa khwab,

Baap re baap.

Caution: Read, if above 18 

RICHMAN & POORMAN

Richman to poorman:

How come your penis is so big?

Poorman replied: Because in my

childhood, I had no other toys

to play.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Raju

Caution: Read if above 18 

CODE WORD

Pati aur patni ne bachon ke

wajah se, sex ka code word rakha

SANDWICH.

Pati: Sandwich ka mood hai.

Patni: Nahin aaj nahin.

Aaj subah hi ketchup ki thaili

phat gayi hai.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Raju

Day 131

SARDAR

Sardar apni sister ke saath bike

pe ja raha tha.

Larka: O Paaji. Girlfriend ke saath

kahaan ja rahe ho?

Sardar: Oye! Girlfriend hogi teri,

meri toh behen hai.

GHALIB

Ghalib ne girlfriend ko date par

bulaya, woh late aayi.

Ghalib: Falak pe chaand sitaaron

ko neend aa rahi hai, doosri ka

time ho gaya hai, tu ab aa rahi hai.

CHAIWALA

Chaiwala larki se: “Bholi si surat”

aankhon mein masti

door khari sharmaaye, hai hai.

Larki jawab deti hai: Kaali si surat

haath mein ketli

door khara chilaaye, chai chai.

Caution: Read, if above 18

LARKA LARKI

Larka: Janu, viagara ki ek goli se lamba ho jaayega,

2 goli se khamba ho jaayega,

aur agar 3 loonga.

Larki: Chup haraamzade, mujhe chowdna hai

ke khodna hai.

Joke submitted, courtesy of:  Harpal

Caution:  Read, if above 18

HUSBAND

Doctor: Do you watch your husband’s face

during sex?

Lady: I did once and he looked very angry.

Doctor: Why?

Lady: Because he was watching from the window.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Harpal

Day 130

Wednesday  23 May, 2012

DRESS

Larki: Iss dress ki kya keemat hai?

Dukaandaar: Sirf 5 kisses?

Larki: Aur uss dress ki?

Dukaandaar: 10 kisses.

Larki: Dono dresses pack kar do,

bill daddy denge.

SANTA BANTA

Banta dukaandaar se: Tumne mujhe

cheat kiya hai.

Dukaandaar: Nahin, meine tujhe acha

radio becha hai.

Banta: Radio pe jo label hai, uspe likha

hai, made in japan aur radio chalaane

par aawaz aati hai “This is all india radio.”

SARDAR

Sardar ko sapne mein ek larki ne chappal maari.

2 din tak sardar apne  bank nahin gaya qyunki

bank mein likha tha: Hum aapke sapne ko

haqiqat mein badalte hain.

Caution: Read, if above 18

GRANDSON

Santa with grandson at late night

shouts: “I need a girl, I have an erection.”

Grandson says: 1st it is too late,

2^nd you are 75 years old, 3^rd the cock

you are holding is mine.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Bhushan

Caution: Read if above 18

MOBILE PHONE

During sexual session, the girl says:

You are like a mobile phone.

Boy: Do I vibrate a lot?

Girl: No, when you get in the tunnel,

you loose network.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Bhushan

Day 129

GADHA

1^st gadha: Yaar, maalik bahut maarta hai.

2^nd gadha: Ghar shor do.

1^st gadha: Nahin yaar, woh beti se bolta

rehta hai, teri shaadi gadhe se kar doonga.

RECIPE

1 Take a bowl of grapes.

2 Put your hands in it.

3 Stand in front of mirror.

The dish is ready.

Dish name, Langoor ke haath mein Angoor.

JIJA SAALI

Jija: Saali-ji, aapke yahaan ki sabse mashahoor

cheez kaunsi hai?

Saali-ji: Jija-ji, jo mashahoor thi,usse toh aap le gaye.

Caution: Read, if above 18

CALCIUM

Boy: How much calcium is there in

woman’s breasts?

Girl: I don’t know but it has enough

calcium to help man’s boneless

thing(popat) stand up.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Gagan

Caution: Read, if above 18

ADVICE

Don’t play with street dogs,

You may get rabbies.

And don’t play with smart boys,

You may get babies.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Gagan

Day 128

PATI PATNI

Ek aadmi ki biwi gum ho gayi.

Woh Ramji ke mandir gaya aur

Ramji ki prarthana ki.

Ramji prakat hue or kaha:

Vats baaju mein vraajmaan

Hanumaan ki prarthana karo,

meri bhi unhone hi doondi thi.

SARDAR

Teacher kehti hai ke oxygen ka
aavishkaar 1773 mein hua tha.

Sardar: Thanks God! Mein uske

baad paida hua, pehle hota toh

mar jata.

GARMI

Aadmi: Sardarji, aapko garmi lagti hai

toh kya karte ho?

Sardar: AC ke pass jaake baith jata

hoon.

Aadmi: Agar phir bhi garmi lage toh?

Sardar: Toh AC on kar deta hoon.

Caution:  Read, if above 18

CHAAT KI DUKAAN

Chachi: Hum chaat ki dukaan kholenge

aur Rs 10 plate ke hisaab se bechenge.

Bhatija: Mein board banwa doonga,

Rs 10 mein “CHACHI KI CHAAT LO.”

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Niranjan

Caution:  Read, if above  18

GIRL BEST VEHICLE

Girl is best vehicle in the world.

Front two bumpers, back two bumpers,

self lubricant when hot, finger touch ignition,

monthly automatic engine oil change,

every type of pistons fits,

highest mileage of nine months in just

two ml fuel.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Niranjan

Day 127

DOCTOR

 Doctor:Aapka aur aapke patni ka blood

group ek hi hai.

Pati: Hoga zaroor hoga, 25 saal se mera

khoon jo pee rahi hai.

BHAGWAN

Aadmi: Ghar se America tak road banaao.

Bhagwaan: Mushkil hai, kuch aur maango?

Aadmi: Patni ko aagyaakaari aur samajhdaar

banaao.

Bhagwaan: Road single banaaoon ya double.

SANTA KI AMMA

Santa ki amma mar gayi.

1 aadmi bola: Amma mujhe bhi le jaati.

2-4 aur bole: Amma humein bhi le jaati.

Santa bola: Chup ho jaao gadhon, amma

kya mercedez karke gayi thi.

Caution: Read, if above 18

LARKA LARKI

Larka: Mein pyar ki geherai aur ishq

ki oonchai ko dekhna aur pyar karna

chahta hoon.

Larki: Seedhe kyun nahin kehte, ke

yeh underswear aur brazier bhi utaar do.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Shashi

 Caution: Read, if above 18

5000 RUPEES

Rs 1450     :         Baby food.

Rs 1000     ;         Doctor fee.

Rs 950       :         Medicine

Rs 800       :         Toys

Rs 500       :         Diapers

Rs 300       :         Baby powder
Rs 5000     :         Total

Or

Rs 5           :         Condom

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Shashi