Day 171

SHAADI

Larki: Agar muhse shaadi karni hai

toh har haftey mummy ko 10 kg. atta

aur papa ki car mein 20 litres petrol

dilwaana parega.

Larka: Achha behen, chalta hoon,

apne mummy aur papa ko mera

namaste kehna.

SIMILARITY BETWEEN GIRL & PETROL

What is the similarity between a girl & petrol?

   Both are explosive

 Both are hot.

 Both are dangerous when kept open.

BOY & GIRL

Larki: Bas karo, koi dekh lega.

Larka: Kuch nahin hoga, tum seedhi raho,

wahaan se haath hataao, please thora sa

dikha do, agar nahin dikhaaya to mein

fail ho jaaoonga.

LADY OFFICER

A General asks a young lady officer,

how she felt in Services?

Lady: Very fine, whole day passes in

saying “Yes Sir. Yes Sir”and the whole

night in “No Sir, No Sir”.

I LOVE YOU

A man had “I Love You” tattooed on his

d#ick. He went home and proudly showed

his wife.

“There you go again, trying to put words

into my mouth”she said.

Day 170

LARKA LARKI

Larka: I Love You.

Larki: Sachhi.

Larka: Muchhi.

Larki: Ek 100 ka recharge karwa do please.

Larka: Sorry Didi, Wrong Number.

GANJU PANJU

Ganju: Larkiyaan paraaya dhan hoti hain

toh larke?

Panju: Nahin pata?

Ganju: Chor hote hain, jinki nazar hamesha

paraaye dhan par lagi rehti hain.

NATURE OF DIFFERENCE

If 2 girls are wearing the same T.Shirts toh

ek doosre ko dekhkar kehti hain: “Kamini

copied my Style”.

If 2 boys are wearing the same T.Shirts toh

ek doosre ko dekhkar kehte hain “O mera bhai”.

SHAADI

Shaadi ke 7 din baad:

Saas of dulhan: Kya tumne meri di hui sari pehni?

Dulhan: Woh mujhe 7 din se salwar nahin pehen ne

de rahe hain aur aapko sari ki pari hai.

DOUBLE MEANNG

When is that:

The skin meets skin,

Hair meets hair,

and balls disappear,

Dirty mind, it’s when

You Blink your eyes.

Day 169

SANTA AUR DOCTOR

Santa doctor se: Doctor, when I sleep,

 monkeys play football in my dream.

Doctor: No problem, just take this medicine

before sleep.

Santa: Kal se loonga, aaj raat ko final hai.

EVOLUTION OF MAN

Shaadi se pehle, Hero No. 1

Shaadi ke baad, Coolie No. 1

Shaadi se pehle, Meine pyar kiya,

Shaadi ke baad, Yeh meine kya kia.

TEACHER & STUDENT

In English class…

Kid student: Me sleep with dad last night…

Madam corrected: No Beta, I slept with

dad last night….

Kid student: Aap mere sone ke baad aayi hongi.

S@XY LADY

A s@xy & attractive lady sees a guy & tells him:

“Will you remove something from my breasts?”

Excited Guy: “Wow”sure , What is it?

Lady: Your eyes, Bastard.

MOM & DAUGHTER
Girl: Mom, I am pregnant.
Mom: What! Didn't I tell you that if a boy touches
your Boobs, say: "Don't"? And if he touches your
private part, say "Stop"?
Girl: Well, He did them both, so I kept on saying
"Don't Stop."

 

 

Day 168

BEGUM

Wife ko begum kyun kehte hain?

Answer: Kyunki shaadi ke baad saare gum

toh husband ke hisse mein aa jaate hain

aur biwi be-gum ho jaati hai.

PATI PATNI

Patni: Mein tumhaari yaad mein, 15 dino mein

aadhi ho gayee hoon, mujhe lene kab

aa rahe ho?

Pati: 15 din ruk jaao.

INFECTION

Lady: Doctor, I have got brown discharge.Is it infection?

Doctor: How often do you have s@x?

Lady: Once a month.

Doctor: Yeh infection nahin, ZANG lag gaya hai.

WOMEN’S 4 TYPES S@X

Women have four types of s@x:

1-   Asthmatic  : Ah aah ah ah

2-   Obedient   : Yes oh yes ah yes

3-   Greedy      : More more more please.

4-   Religious   : Oh God oh god!

VIBRATOR

Girl enters a s@x shop.

Girl: Where is the vibrator section?

Salesman: Over there madam.

Girl: How much for this big red one?

Salesman: Sorry madam, that is a fire extinguisher.

Day 167

MOTHER DAUGHTER

Mother asks her daughter: Beti, Larka kaisa laga?

Daughter: Mein iss larke se shaadi nahin karoongi,

yeh larka bahut mota hai?

Mother: Beti TV 14 inch ka ho ya 29 inch ka,

Remote 6 inch ka hi hota hai.

SWARG

Baithkar unki zulfon ke saaye mein,

Swarg jaisa anand aaya,

Kambhakt, uske baap ne dekh liya,

Shaam ko hospital mein hosh aaya.

LARKIYAAN

Larkiyaan burka pehenti hain, chehra chupaane ke liye,

Wah! Wah!

Larkiyaan burka pehenti hain, chehra chupaane ke liye,

Do aankhein khuli rakhti hain, Larkon ko pataane ke liye.

DOSTI

Aansoon tere nikle, par aankhein meri ho,

Dil tumhaara dharke, par dharkan meri ho,

Khuda kare hamaari dosti itni geheri ho,

Ke, Naukri tum karo, aur salary meri ho.

BOY & CALL GIRL

Boy: S@x mein dono ko mazaa aata hai,

phir Larke se hi paisa kyun?

Call girl: Bevkoof, charge outgoing par hi lagti hai,

incoming par nahin.

Day 166

COLLEGE GIRLS

Girls college mein strike ho gayi.

Sabi girls naare laga rahi theen.

Girls ke saath Boys bhi unka saath de rahe the.

Girls ne naare lagaaye “Hamaari maangein…..

Peeche se awaaz ayi “Sindoor se bhar do.”

 PARO AUR DEVDAS

Bihar ki gali mein paro ki dukaan,

Devdas ne dekhi paro ki muskaan,

Devdas ne khilaaya paro ko paan,

Khaake paan paro boli “Shukriya Bhaijaan.”

MAAN BETA

Beta: Maan, yeh pregnant kya hota hai?

Maan: Beta, gusse ko pregnant kehte hain.

Agle din beta school se aa raha tha aur

ek larki par gir gaya.Uss larki ki maan larke

ko daant ti hai, Toh larka kehta hai: Oye,

gira teri beti par tha aur pregnant tu ho rahi hai.

MOUSE & ELEPHANT

A mouse f#cking an elephant in coconut farm.

A coconut falls on elephant’s head.

Elephant: Ouch!

Mouse: Ouch vouch kuch nahin gaandu, apna

shot toh aise hi hota hai.

MAAN AUR BETI

Beti: Aaj meine ek larke ko bevakoof banaaya.

Maan: Woh kaise?

Beti: Meine uska 500 ka note apni sandal mein

chupa diya aur woh 2 ghante tak meri brazier

mein doondta raha.

Day 165

SURAJ

Suraj hua madhyam, chaand bhi chalne laga,

Mein thehra raha, zameen chalne lagi,

Sajna, kya yehi pyar hai?

Nalaayak, yeh pyar nahin, Earthquake hai.. Bhag!

LAMBHI UMAR

Lambhi umar ke liye kya karna chaahiye?

Answer: Shaadi.

Us se kya zindagi lambi ho jaati hai?

Answer: Nahin, zindagi lambi lagne lagti hai.

NEEND

Neend aati hai, toh khwab aata hai.

Khwab mein ek larki aati hai.

Larki ke peeche uska baap aata hai.

Phir na neend aati hai,

Na khwab aata hai.      

MAN IN A BUS

 Man is smoking in a bus.

Conductor: No smoking ka board nahin dikhta?

Man: Uske side mein Always wear Condom”ka

board hai, ab woh bhi lagaakar baithoon.

SCHOOL CHILD

A child has never seen his hips before.

Once his teacher beats on his hips.

He came home, saw his hips in the mirror

& said: Kamini ne 2 tukre kar diye.

Day 164

HUSBAND

Husband apna white ho,

Lambi jiski height ho,

Mizaaz ko woh light ho,

Jab saas se meri fight ho,

Kahe Sanam, Tum right ho.

SANTA AUR DOCTOR

Santa aska doctor:  Doodh peene se

rang gora hota hai?

Doctor: Haan, ismein calcium hota hai.

Santa: Chal joothe, phir bains ka bacha

kaala kyun hota hai?

SARDAR KA BETA

Ek sardar ka beta 1^st time ATM se cash nikaalne

gaya, achaanak machine jam ho gayi. Usne bank

manager ko bulaaya.

Sardar’s son: Kya bekaar machine hai, ulti seedhee

cheezen maangti hai. Pehle kehti hai, enter card,

phir enter pin. Pin doondkar laaya aur ismein daali

toh saali jam ho gayi.

JAADUGAR

A girl with his boyfriend opened her legs

inviting him to f#ck and asked: Hamaare

baby ka naam kya hoga?

He wears a condom and says: Iske baad

bhi ho gaya toh “JAADUGAR.”

TEACHER

No teacher in class.

Principal entered in class and asked angrily:

Kis ka period chal raha hai?

4 larkiyaan sharmaate hue: Sir, hamaara.

Day 163

LARKA LARKI

Larka: Mere saath chalogi?

Larki: Kahaan?

Larka: Jahaan tum kaho.

Larki: O.K. Police Station chalte hain.

Larka: Lo bataao, ab banda apni behen se

mazaak bhi nahin kar sakta.

PAAGAL

Ek paagal khat likh raha tha.

Doctor ne poocha: Kisko likh rahe ho?

Paagal: Khud ko.

Doctor: Kya likha hai?

Paagal: Mujhe kya pata! Abhi mujhe mila thori hai.

BAAP BETA

Baap: Aaj tak tune aisa koi kaam nahin kiya,

jis-se mera sir ooncha hua ho.

Beta: Meine ek baar aapke sir ke neeche

2 takiye lagaaye toh the.

OLD MAN

A kid asks an old man: What book are you

reading sir?

Old Man: History book.

Kid: But that is a sex book.

Old Man: For me it’s history.

SKODA CAR

Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA.

All drivers are having a tough time when their

memsahibs say: Driver, Laura Nikaalo.

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