Day 178

SANTA

Santa: "I love you” means kya hota hai?

Larki: Mein tumse pyar karti hoon.

Santa: Le, ek question kya poocha,

tu toh mujhse pyar kar baithi ‘pagli.’

WIFE KA MATLAB

Pati ne poocha, aapko wife ka matlab pata hai?

uska matlab hai, Without Information Fighting Everytime.

Patni boli: Nahin, uska matlab hai, With Idiot For Ever.

AIRHOSTESS AUR LALUJI

Air Hostess to Laluji: Sir, are you vegetarian

or non-vegeterian?

Laluji: I am Indian.

Air Hostess: Sir, I mean are you shaakahaari

Or maansaahaari?

Laluji: Hut pagli, I am Bihari.

LADY TEACHER

Teacher: Agar mein tumhaari mummy hoti toh

tumhe 2 din mein gadhe se insaan bana deti.

Student: Aur mere Dad aapko 1 raat mein insaan

se ghodi (female donkey) bana dete.

Larki aur Kutiya

Ek larki apni kutiya se poochti hai: Tumhaare

itne saare bache kyun hote hain?

Kutiya: Behen, Kapre utaar kar road pe ghumo,

pata chal jaayega.

MOSQUITO

Girlfriend & Boyfriend go for a movie.

In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl’s skirt.

Guess, where it would have bitten?

The boy’s hand.

Day 177

SANTA

Phone ki ghanti baji.

Santa: Phone mere liye ho toh kehna

mein ghar par nahin hoon.

Patni: Woh ghar pe hi hain.

Santa: Meine mana kiya tha ke…..

Patni: Phone mere liye tha.

KASHMIR

Kashmir ki waadiyon mein,

Barfili hawaaon mein,

Jheel ke kinaare baithe,

Ranja ko, Heer ne kya kaha?

Ullu ke pathe, hero mat ban,

Sweater pehen le.

SANTA BANTA

Santa: Aaj TV par 30 feet ka saanp

dikhaane waale hain.

Banta: Haan, par mein nahin dekh paaoonga.

Santa: Kyun?

Banta: Mera TV toh 21 inch ka hi hai.

LARKA LARKI

Larka larki se bola: Agar mein tumhaare

mumme dabaakar bhaag jaaoon toh tum

kya sochogi?

Larki: Toh mein sochoongi ke ek paagal tha,

jo poori car chalaa sakta tha, sirf horn dabaakar

bhaag gaya.

2 SAHELI

1^ST Lady: Aapka pati roz samay par kaise

ghar aa jaata hai?

2^nd Lady: Meine unse kaha hai ke chudaai

theek 9 baje shuru ho jaayegi, chaahe tum

ghar aao ya nahin.

Day 176

3 SARDARS

Three sardarjis were stroking their C@ocks very fast

and hard in a restaurant.

Waitress: What the hell are U doing?

Sardar: We are hungry and the menu says:

“First Cum First Serve”.

2 Paagal

Ek paagal khaali paper ko baar baar choom

raha tha.

Doosra paagal: Yeh kya hai?

Pehla paagal: Love Letter hai.

Doosra paagal: Magar yeh toh khali hai.

Pehla paagal: Aaj kal bol chaal band hai.

KANJOOS

Master: Kanjoos bole toh kaun?

Student: Hum chaahe jitney bhi ‘ SMS’ karein,

uska ‘REPLY’na kare woh.

Master; Uska ek example do.

Student: Aapki beti.

BARBIE DOLL

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie Doll

for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in

the window?,, he asks the assistant.

Assistant responds: Which Barbe? We have

Barbie goes to a gym for $ 19.95, Barbie goes

to Ball for $ 19.95, Barbie goes shopping for

$ 19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $ 19.95,

Barbie goes to Nightclub for $ 19.95 and Divorced

Barbie for $ 395.

The guy asks: Why is Divorced Barbie different

from all others?

That’s obvious, the assistant states, Divorced Barbie

comes with Peter’s Car, Peter’s Boat, Peter’s Furniture….

HUSBAND WIFE

Wife undressed in bathroom and walked toward

Bed for sex and hit some object.

Husband rushed to her & asked: Oh Honey!

Chot toh nahin lagi na?

After sex was over she hit the same thing again on

way back to bathroom.

Husband: Andhi hai kya? Dekh kar nahin chal sakti?

Day 175

AADMI AUR GADHA

Ek baar ek larka raaste mein chalte chalte

ek gadhe ke saamne gir gaya.

Tabhi ek larki ne usse cherte hue kaha: Apne

bade bhai ka aashirwaad le rahe ho kya?

Larke ne palat kar jawaab diya: Sahi farmaya, Bhabhi-ji.

MOTHER & DAUGHTER

A little girl asked her mother: How did the human

race come about?

The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve,

they had children and, so all mankind was made.

A few days later, the little girl asked her father

the same question. The father answered: Many years

ago there were monkeys and we developed from them.

The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom,

how is it possible that you told me that the human race was

created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?

The mother answers: Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you

about the origin of my side of the family and your father told

you about his side.

PHOOL AUR CHAAWAL

Ek aadmi apne dost ki kabar par phool daal raha tha.

Aur saamne wale kabar mein bhi ek aadmi apne dost

ki kabar par chaawal daal raha tha.

Pehla aadmi doosre aadmi se kehta hai: Yeh tumhaara

dost phool soongne kab uthega?

Doosra aadmi: Jab tumhaara dost chaawal khaane uthega.

MAN AND WOMAN

Who is stronger, Man or Woman?

A woman because she lifts 2 mountains on

her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the

help of a crane.

BALAATKAAR

Beti ka doosri baar balaatkaar hua toh maan boli:

Meine tumse kaha tha na ke aage se dhyaan rakhna.

Beti: Meine aage se dhyaan rakha par usne peeche

se daal diya.

Day 174

CHINTI AUR HAATHI

Ek baar ek chinti ne haathi ke kaan mein kuch kaha

toh haathi behosh ho gaya.

Phir kisine chinti se poocha ke tumne haathi se kya

kaha.

Chinti boli: Meine haathi ke kaan mein itna hi kaha ke

mein tumhaare bache ki maan ban-ne waali hoon.

GADHA

Ek sahib ghabraaya hua aaya aur biwi se bola: Begum,

aaj mein office se aa raha tha ke raaste mein ek gadha…!

Itna mein unki bachi bol uthi: “Mummy, rakesh ne meri

guriya tor di hai.”

Pati ne phie kehna shuru kiya: Haan toh begum, mein keh

raha tha ke raaste mein ek gadhaa….!

Itne mein unka larka bola: Mummy, Rita ne meri car tor di hai.

Biwi gusse mein aakar boli: “Bhagwan ke liye tum sab chup

ho jaao, mujhe pehle gadhe ki baat sun lene do.

DOCTOR

Doctor ek patient ke peeche bhag raha tha. Ek aadmi

ne poocha:  Kya hua?

Doctor: Arre yaar, chaar baar aisa hua hai, saala brain ka

operation karwaane aata hai aur baal katwaake bhaag jaata hai.

DOUBLE MEANING

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh and creates

creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down.

Can’t wait to brush my teeth.

PATI AUR PATNI

Ek mota electrician apni patni ke saath sex karte hue bola:

Bolo, tumhe kya gum hai?

Patni: “Swami”, load zyada hai aur voltage kam hai.

Day 172

TEACHER STUDENT

Teacher: Bade hokar tum kya karoge?

Student: Ji, Shaadi.

Teacher: Mera matlab, kya banoge?

Student: Ji, Dulha.

Teacher: Arre, mera matlab hai, kya haasil karoge?

Student: Ji, Dulhan.

TRAIN

Train mein TT Saadhu se bola: Kahaan jana hai?

Saadhu: Jahaan Ram ka janam hua tha.

TT: Ticket hai?

Saadhu: Nahin.

TT: Chalo.

Saadhu: Kahaan?

TT: Jahaan Krishna ka janam hua tha, Jail mein.

NAUKAR

Ek aadmi ne ek ganwaar naukar rakh liya aur usse

samjhaaya ke kissi ka naam lene se pehle ji  laga diya karein.

Thori der baad naukar bhaagta hua aaya aur bola:

“Sahebji, sahebji, kutte’ji’ ne murge’ji’ ko pakar liya hai.

MOM & DAUGHTER

Daughter: Mom, kya yeh sach hai ke larke jahaan

apna l@und daalte hain, bacha waheen se nikalta hai?

Mom: Haan.

Daughter: Oh my God, toh kya mera bacha mere munh

se niklega?

GABBAR & BASANTI

Gabbar: Basanti, chaddi utaar.

Viru: Nahin Basanti, in kutton ke saamne,

chaddi mat utaarna.

Basanti: Viru, darr mat, meine chaddi pehni hi

nahin hai.