Day 162

TEACHER

Teacher class mein bachon ka hausla barane ke

liye samjha rahi thi.

Teacher: Agar iraada sahi ho, toh har sapna poora

ho jaata hai.

Chintu: Madam, yeh baat jooth hai.

Teacher hairani se: Kyun chintu, aisa kyun bola tumne?

Chintu: Agar yeh baat sach hoti toh ab tak aap mere

2 bachon ki maan ban gayi hoti.

LARKA LARKI

Larki: Mcdonalds chalein?

Larka: Pehle iski spelling bataao, phir chalenge.

Larki: Acha toh phir KFC chalein?

Larka: Iska full form batao, phir chalenge.

Larki: Haraamkhor, ab chole bature hi khila de.

PAPPU

Pappu ab jawan ho gaya tha, aakhir papa se

lar jagar kar usne bike le hi li.

Ab who roz larkiyon ko ghumaya karta tha.

Ek din ek larki sarak par paidal ja rahee thee, pappu

uske pass se tez bike chalaata hua nikla.

Larki dar gayi aur pappu ko dekhkar chilaayee:

Oye, maarega kya?

Pappu ne bike roki aur bola: Philhaal mood toh

nahin hai, par agar dogi toh maar hi loonga.

LARKA LARKI

Larka aur Larki ek hi bath tub mein naha rahe the.

Larki ne neeche dekha aur boli: Kya, mein tumhara

yeh shoo sakti hoon?

Larka: Nahin, tumne toh apna tor diya hai, mera

bhi tor dogi.

 PATI PATNI

Pati patni se: Hamaara ek bhi bacha nahin, tumhe pata

hai kutiya ek time mein 6 bache paida karti hai.

Patni: 6 bachon ke liye woh 26 kutton ke saath ghoomti

bhi toh hai.

Day 161

LARKA LARKI

Larka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai:

Kya pyar karna paap hai?

Kya pyar karna paap hai?

Larke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai:

Abbe, patli gali se nikal ,

Peeche uska baap hai.

GIRLFRIEND

Twinkle twinkle little star

Teri girlfriend gayee bazaar

Usko mil gaya doosra yaar

Ab tu baithkar makhiyaan maar.

BANTA’S INTERVIEW

Interviewer: What’s your qualification?

Banta singh: Sir, I am phd.

Interviewer: What do you mean by phd?

Banta (smiling): Passed High School with Difficulty.

EX-WIFE’S NEW HUSBAND

Man teases his ex-wife’s new husband:

So dude, how was the second hand stuff?

New husband: Not bad, after the first

3 inches, she was brand new.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Gary

BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND

A girl for the first time was handling

a boy’s c@ck.

After some time some drops came out.

She asked what’s that?

The boy said: Yeh khushi ke aansoon hain.

Joke submitted, courtesy of: Gary

Day 160

MILITARY MEN

The reason, women love military

men? It’s not the uniform.

They can cook, clean, make beds

and sew, but above all they know

how to follow orders.

BHAANJA

Mukje apne bhaanje ke liye biwi chaahiye.

Zara gaur farmaaein.

Mujhe apne bhaanje ke liye biwi chaahiye,

har taraf se aawaaz aayi,

hamaari le jaayein, hamaari le jaayein.

LARKI

Dhokha mila jab pyar mein,

Zindagi mein udaasi cha gayi,

Socha tha aag laga denge is duniya ko,

Toh kambhakt, colony mein doosri aa gayi.

ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Husband text to his wife on cell

Hi, what are you doing darling?

Wife: I am dying.

Husband jumping with joy, but types

Sweet heart, How can I live without you?

Wife: You idiot, I am dying my hair.

Husband: Bloody English Language.

WOMAN

Eight men raping a woman,

The woman is laughing nonstop,

So after rape, men are bugged and

asked her , why she is laughing,

She replies: Mujhe aids hai.

LARKIYAAN

Larkiyaan salwar ke neeche kya pehenti hain?

Socho, socho.

Itna bhi galat mat socho,

Salwar ke neeche sandal pehenti hain.

Meine salwar ke neeche ka poocha tha,

Salwar ke andar ka nahin… Dirty Mind.

Day 158

BAAP BETA

Baap: Yeh larki kaun hai?

Beta: Oh! Yeh meri girlfriend hai.

Doosre din

Baap: Ab yeh nayi larki kaun hai?

Beta: Rishta wohi, item nayi.

GIRLS

Why girls don’t put their mobile at

vibration mode in their T.Shirt’s

pocket?

Because in vibration milk becomes lassi.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Devendra

PATI PATNI

Ek aurat ne 6 bachon ko ek saath

janam diya.

Woh bed se utri aur apne pati ko

ek thapar maarke chillai:

Meine kaha tha na ke,

Kutte ke style mein mat karo.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Devendra

SANTA BANTA

Santa: Oye, humne chowkidaar ko nikaal diya.

Banta: Kyun?

Santa: Saala chowkidaar woh tha aur raat

ko hum pe chilaata hai – Jaagte raho.

REPLACE

Light can replace Sun,

Parents can replace God,

Daughter can replace Son,

But nothing in the world can replace you

Because, China item,

No guarantee,

No replacement.

Day 157

CHOR (THIEF)

Ek baar ek chor ne apni mangetar

ko sone ka set diya.

Mangetar ne khush hoke poocha:

Iski keemat kya hai?

Chor: Teen saal ki kaid.

SAANP (SNAKE)

Santa: Aaj TV pe 30 feet ka saanp

dikhaane wale hain.

Banta: Haan, par mein nahin dekh

paaoonga.

Santa: Kyun?

Banta: Mera TV toh 21 inch ka hi hai.

CHINTI (ANT)

Chinti auto mein baithi aur ek pair

baahar rakha.

Driver: Madam, pair andar rakho.

Chinti: Nahin, raaste mein haathi

mile toh laat maarni hai, kal saala

aankh maarke gaya tha.

TEACHER

Teacher: Bolo bachon,

J  for  Jug

K  for Kite

L  for L#und

Oh! Sorry bachon,

Galti se munh se nikal gaya.

Boy: Madam, sorry ki kya baat hai,

vaapas muhn mein le lo.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Irfan

BALL

Teacher: What is the difference

between SIX & S@X?

Student: Ball oopar utha ke maaroge toh SIX

aur Ball dabaake neeche maaroge toh S@X.

Joke submitted, courtesy of : Irfan