Day 114

PATNI

Ek aadmi ke patni se sawaal kia

ke aapko kaunsi book sabse

zyada pasand hai?

Patni: Apne husband ki cheque book.

JUDGE

Santa: Judge sahib, mujhe talaaq

chaahiye. Meri biwi ne ek saal se

mujhse baat nahin ki hai.

Judge: Ek baar phir soch le beta,

aisi biwi naseeb waalon ko hi milti hai.

PATI PATNI

Aadmi kumbh ke mele mein: Prabhu,

teri kripa se kumbh ke mele mein

bhai-bahi ko bicharte dekha hai, kabhi

pati-patni par b kripa karein.

Caution: Read, if above 18

BABIES

A man carrying 3 babies is travelling

In a train.

A woman sitting near him inquired:

Are these sweeties belong to you?

Man: No mam, I work in a condom

factory and these are customer’s complaints.

Joke supplied courtesy of: Chaitanya

Caution: Read, if above 18

LIGHT WEIGHT

Question: Iss duniya mein sabse halki

cheez kya hai?

Answer: Yeh auzaar(l..d), because woh

sirf khayaal se bhi uth jata hai.

Joke supplied courtesy of: Chaitanya

Day 113

04 May, 2012  Friday

TEACHER

Teacher: Tum iss desh ke liye

kya kya karte ho?

Panju: Paani ki bachat karta hoon,

hafte mein sirf ek din nahaata hoon.

SCHOOL

Mummy: Yeh school kya hota hai?

Beta: Yeh woh jagah hai, jahaan

maan-baap ko loota aur bachon ko

pita jaata hai.

PLUMBER

Plumber: Sir, pipe laga diya hai aur

bill 700 rupaiye hain.

Engineer: Arre itna toh mein engineer

Hoke bhi nahin kamaata hoon.

Plumber: Mein bhi nahin kamaata tha,

Jab engineer tha.

Caution: Read, if above 18

DIRTY TALK

When a man talks dirty to a woman,

It’s sexual harassment.

When a woman talks dirty to a man,

It’s $3.95 per minute.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Gajendra

Caution: Read, if above 18

DOUBLE MEANING

Teri maan di

Teri chhoti behen di

Teri bari behen di

Teri bhabhi di

Tere bhai di

Tere papa di

Aur meri bhi

Tu jaan hai.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Gajendra

Day 112

SONE KA SET

Ek baar ek chor ne apni mangetar

ko sone ka set diya.

Mangetar ne khush hoke poocha:

Iski keemat kya hogi?

Chor: Teen saal kaid.

SCHOOL

School mein aag lag gayi.

Sab bache khush the ke ab school

nahin aana parega.

Par ek bacha udaas tha.

Sir: Beta, tum dukhi kyun ho?

Bacha: Sir, aap zinda kaise bache?

BIKHAARI

Bikhaari: Maan, ek rupaiya de de,

3 din se bhookha hoon.

Maan: Ek rupaiye ka tu kya karega?

Bikhaari: Wazan karvaaoonga, dekhna

hai kitna kam ho gaya hoon.

Caution: Read, if above 18

GIRL

Girl: I am like radio, my mouth speaker,

My left breast – tuner, my right breast – volume.

Man: Can I try? (Touches the breasts) – no sound.

Girl: You have not plugged in yet.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Hussein

Caution: Read, if above 18

BIO TEACHER

A bio teacher was telling her students

that for the best penetrations 6 to 7

inches penis is best.

One of the girl asked her that : What

about 9 inches?

Teacher said: I am telling about necessity,

not luxury.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Hussein

Day 111

AIR HOSTESS

Air hostess: Sir, aap kya lenge?

Ismail Bhai: Chicken tikka, boti

kabab, biryani, fish fry, kheer,

ice-cream aur paan.

Air hostess: Sir, aap plane mein

aaye hain, aapke abba ke reception

mein nahin.

PATI PATNI

Patni: Tumne mujhe shaadi se pehle

kyun nahin bataaya ke tumhaari

pehle bhi rani naam ki patni hai?

Pati: Meine bataaya toh tha, ke mein

tumhe rani ki tarah rakhoonga.

KANJOOS

Kanjoos: Kaju katli aur lijiye na.

Mehmaan: Nahin shukriya, mein

pehle hi 4 le chukka hoon.

Kanjoos: Li toh aapne waise 6 hain,

lekin yahaan kaun gin raha hai.

Caution: Read, if above 18

GIRL BOY

Girl: Arre itna bara muhn mein kaise

daaloongi?

Boy: Jaldi se muhn kholo.

Girl: Oops! Saare kapre geele ho gaye.

Boy: Aur lo ji.

Girl: Na baba na, yeh gol gappe tum

hi khaao.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Hussein

Caution: Read, if above 18

DIFFERENT PHASES OF SEX

Age 18       -        Din raat

Age 28       -        Roz raat

Age 38       -        Jume raat

Age 48       -        Chaand raat

Age 58       -        Galat baat.

Joke supplied, courtesy of: Hussein

Day 110

BACHA

Ek bache ne bhagwan shiv ki

pooja ki aur kaha, please mujhe

ek cycle de do.

Lekin usse cycle nahin mili.

Agle din uss bache ne ganesh ki

murti chura li aur bhagwan shiv ko

letter likha, agar bacha chaahiye

toh cycle lekar mandir aaja.

GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND

Girlfriend: Meri birthday gift kahaan hai?

Boyfriend: Tum road ke uss paar laal

rang ki Ferrari dekh rahi ho.

Girlfriend khushi se: Haan!

Boyfriend: Same ussi colour ki nail polish

li hai, tere liye.

KANJUS

Kanjus: Aap kya lenge, thanda ya garam?

Santa: Dono hi mangwa do.

Kanjus: Sunti ho, do glass paani le aana,

ek freezer se aur doosra geezer se.

Caution: Read, if above 18

TEACHER

A teacher asks ‘what part of body goes to

heaven first’?

A child replies: Feet, because every night

I see my mom with her feet in the air and

screaming ‘God, I am coming.’

Joke supplied, coutesy of: Irfan

Caution: Read, if above 18

WAKEEL(ADVOCATE)

Rape case wakeel larki se: Aap bata sakti

hain, woh aadmi kaun tha?

Larki: Koi baahar wala tha.

Wakeel: Woh kaise?

Larki: Kyunki itna bara auzaar, hamaare

mohalle mein, kisika bhi nahin hai.

Joke supplied, coutesy of: Irfan